Day 5, Part II: Gluttony in Newport
So last night, while dining at the amazing Castle Hill, some guy from Chicago recommends this place near the beach, called Flos where you can get Clam Cakes, Chowdda and a Beer all for $5 while watching the surf . And after my the grueling hike, it’s just 5 minutes away. Then I get there and I see this line, 
which reminds me of the line in NYC in front of the Shake Shack and I wonder if this is only because the food’s so cheap (but it’s really not because I want the Lobster roll which is $15 (but without mayo) and so I wait online for a good 1/2 hour since this is the local place and in the end, this is what I get.
Lipitor anyone? And it’s just OK, but I’ve had the grease fill for a while–it’s something I had to do lest this day be any healthier than life in NY. Anyway, the Gluttony continued with the second Mansion tour. Gluttony of the Vanderbilt’s that is. Marble House was something to see—an $11 Million expenditure in the late 1800’s OH MY GOD, and they don’t let you take pictures but it was crazy how they lived. The good and the bad was that Alva Vanderbilt, though she forced her daughter to get married to some British Duke that needed her money, (and locked her in her bedroom lest she marry the man she was truly in love with—whom Alva threatened to kill) was also a fore-runner in the woman’s suffragette movement and believed in woman’s rights and all that.
But all this history made my head spin and my stomach grumble, so at 5:30, walking along Thames Street to get my family gifts, I just happened upon Cold Fusion Gelato 
which was outrageously delicious and I learned something new…Gelato is less fattening than ice cream. Fill me up. But the dish of Chocobrownie and somethingelseequallyrich had me thinking that my dinner reservation wasn’t going to happen because by now I really don’t even need dinner, not even if it is my last night. Well, I can waste a whole lot of time discussing what happened between that thought and now, but I did end up dragging myself to Scales and Shells (at 9:30 just before closing) and I have to tell you…well let pictures speak for themselves.
It was melt in your mouth fish –fish for people who don’t like fish and add to that the hot staff, and the story behind the fish (ever watch Swords on TLC?? Well, I ATE swordfish from one of those boats—I just can’t really believe that people still do that, like risk their lives for a bit of fish—it brought a tear to my eye, not only for the fish but the poor fishermen (isn’t that what cattle in Montana are for?), but anyway, I am glad they did and I really have to say, some way I am coming back soon even if it is just to pick up my Mastercard that I left at Castle Hill last night (THAT my friends, is another tale.)
Note:Swordboat, fresh fish, hot guys, hot NICE guys and mouth watering food.
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Day 5, Part I: Hiking and bathroom basics.
You know when you just really have no idea how your day is going to turn out and then you get such a rich experience, just simply from living? Ok, ok, it only happens on vacation and when you don’t give a damn about anything else but enjoying your last friggin’ day despite the fact that you started with Hurricane Bill and ended with Hurricane Danny…more men than you’ve had all year. Anyway, now that I’ve just gobbled down two horrible “TURN DOWN” chocolates despite the fact that I’ve had a day complete with gluttony, here it goes. This day is so long… I’m going to separate it into two posts: Part I: Hiking and Bathroom Basics and Part II: Gluttony in Newport.
Believe it or not, the day started out unbelievably beautiful but when I talked to my mom in NJ, and she said it was pouring, I knew raindrops could not be far behind, so wanting to get my final moment of rays, I forfeited for now, the last day of my two Mansion House ticket and drove quickly to the beach. Very quickly it all turned forboden and I ended up at the Newport Wildlife Sanctuary. Being that I’ve eaten no less than a hog at fattening time this entire week, I figured a simple 3 mile “hike” through the wilds of Newport (well, actually Middletown) would do a body good. So me, being the safe hiker, asked the girl at the office if it was safe being that a new hurricane was on the way and she’s like, “well, just be careful of the water access. We are going to close it up this afternoon due to the storm”. And I was figuring out if I should give her my cell phone number JUST IN CASE I got caught out there, but I didn’t want to seem like a wuss and just said OK while buying a bottle of spring water (long hike and all that –remembering my last hike 2 years ago in Bryce Canyon). So anyway, I start out on the trail, and it really is quite flat and easy with nothing but surf and birds chirping and I’m like, I need to take a memory photo so that when all those yahoos are screaming
outside my window at 3AM after getting drunk at Jimmy’s I will focus on these sounds. And all seems good and well for a while until of course, I have to pee. And I wonder, if as the sign warns, are the ticks and poison ivy really bad, or do I just let nature call? And around the next bend is a couple doing the same hike that I’m doing, and I’m thinking this isn’t like Byrce Canyon after all (where Bella and I ran into 2 people in 4 hours). So, it’s figured out for me, I am not climbing anywhere, just enjoying the views, which are pretty spectacular and leads me to pondering why New England coastline is so rocky.
But then the urge gets a little stronger and I’m wondering if it’s age or just the Diet Coke that I drank before, but I really have to go. So I longingly look here 
and it’s like a definite no go for me because ticks, and ivy and hey, let’s add some black widows to that list as well (I did see tons of spiders) but meanwhile, it’s still pretty quiet and peaceful until I see a couple and a family and I’m thinking what kind of sanctuary is this with all those PEOPLE who are preventing me from answering the call of nature. Very quickly things take a turn for the worse, and then I hear “TO YOUR LEFT” from this guy
and I’m like REALLY? Do you REALLY think I can’t hear your huffing and puffing and VERY loud pounding behind me? (OK I’m being mean. He’s trying. But wouldn’t you know if he was behind you??) And I think to myself THIS HAS GONE ON FOR LONG ENOUGH. And I turn down the path toward ocean access and see this 
which of course is awesome, and think perfect private place until I see the people fishing a 50 feet to the left, so basically I am stuck. But stay I did and the rain started coming in little drops. And the view was fantastic and it was all so peaceful that I wasted another 20 minutes listening to the ipod and trying to figure out what I’d have to give up to move here. Well anyway, back on the path, I run into a runner, who has her head phones and baseball cap firmly pulled down, her tight body telling me she means business so I was afraid to ask her how far the end was, but shortly there after a very nice, very plump (not that I’m thin or anything) woman tells me it’s only a short 5 minute walk. And I’m thinking thank God this is nothing like Bryce (which is 4 hours of uphill hiking). And things are good again. Just another shot to give you the feel
I even saw this baby mouse
which was so cute especially since he wasn’t in my living room (a whole other story involving peanut butter, mice traps and a very street smart mouse.)
The mansions and other Newport doings: Day 4
It’s hardly possible for me to beiieve that I only have ONE day left of vacation. And, although many of you haven’t been on vacation yet this year, let me remind you that this one hasn’t been all wine and roses. Like the mornings for example. Do you know what happens about 5AM everyday when you vaca near bodies of water? Well, I didn’t either and I couldn’t figure out why I kept dreaming of screaming neighbors until today, when finally, I realized the screeching I was dreaming was no nightmare, but the God Damn seagulls screaming about …well whatever they scream about, as they merrily pooped on my balcony. And this time, no hotel concierge could fix that. But seagulls, schmeegulls, I’m still away from the big dirty apple.
So today, after much family pressure, I went to see the manisons (well one mansion)– and basically what they are is homes from the gilded age (early 1900’s) where people felt obliged to spend too much money to show others how rich they were and I have to tell you, the friggin’ Vanderbelts were damn rich. Their home, The Breakers was HUGE. 
No, this was the children’s playhouse. The main house was over 100,000 square feet. But oddly enough, Gertrude Vanderbilt felt terrible about being an heiress (a creature after my own heart, I mean who would want to inherit $200 Mill? Not ME–winning Lotto? A whole other story). But anyway, she felt that no one would want her for herself, they would just want her for her money so she went to France and became a sculptor and shortly thereafter married Harry Payne Whitney who inheritied an oil and tobacco fortune (thank GOD he didn’t just marry her for her money). But in the end, the couple were do-gooders and spent their millions on hospitals, art patronage(Whitney Museum), and a whole bunch of other humanitarian efforts. Whew, got that “MUST SEE” out of the way. 
The rest of the day was spent leisurely…kind of like the Vanderbilts–doing nothing but eating (again), watching the sailboats go by, watching the sunset, and then…eating again. I have to say, today I feel lucky. 
Even luckier than people with millions, even say… Madonna.
Day 3: continued…
Well, Phyliss, not being much help, and not wanting to go the MANSIONS that everyone is raving about because I couldn’t imagine being inside when the whole bleeping summer it’s been raining and today is hot and sunny. And I guess they can be pretty spectacular…if you want to see how all the rich and very very rich and famous lived. But it’s like, if I can’t ever get that in my life, why the HELL do I want to drool over someone else’s lavish lifestyle? (Except of course, now that I am a CEO, I assume that it will soon be in reach). But anyhow, I get into the trusty automobile (which, is nearly antique) and well, the brake light goes on –no NOT the emergency brake, I do know enough about that for godsakes. So, my car helped planned my day (at least it’s not inside)and I went to find a brake place, except it’s way out of town and I’m stuck in bumper to bumper traffic with Newport’s only construction site. And I keep looking at the brake light, hoping it doesn’t mean that my new brakes are failing because then I will really kill the son of a bitch who charged me $800 to repair (yes I know I was ripped off). But anyway, I find, with the help of some very nice and hot Newport cop, the brake place and I pull up and guess what? The light goes off and NOTHING appears wrong. So I ask the very nice attendant how to get back to town and could he tell me a way that would by pass the traffic. And he’s like, yes. And I’m like, no you don’t understand, I have a direction disability and I get lost no matter what. And he says “you WON’T get lost. I’m like that too “(and I’m thinking but YOU live here!) So he gives me directions and of course, I go around and around the traffic circle because I kept taking the wrong turns, but finally, unbelieveably, I am BACK in downtown Newport and THAT only took an hour and a half.
I finally decide to go sailing in the bay on a boat called THE ADIRONDACK II (because her sister ship is in the New York Harbor) but she is booked for a private sail all day –it figures. But I take it all in stride and book some other ship, and end up sailing with her
and with him, which in case you can’t read it says, “Republican Party of Florida Fishing Trip”.
Which I guess is pretty apropos in Newport, right? But also, I see this:
and this:
And I think, except for that little twinge of nausea, today’s been a pretty good day.
Teddy Kennedy passed away while I was on vacation
Very sad news indeed. And, not so old these days considering he was only 77 — just about average for US males. But, just about 49 years older than Mary Jo Kopechni when she died (at 28).
Lara’s lousy vacation, day 3: Have a nice day!
Today is day 3 at the Hyatt in Newport, and not that I’m running out of things to do, but after 3 days alone (not that I’m LONELY mind you) well it was time to check with the conceirage (yes I know it’s spelled wrong but I’m on vacation leave me alone) to see what else was up in Newport. I mentioned to Phyliss that I had drinks last night at the glorious Castle Hill (at $1200 a night it better be friggin’ glorious).
And Phyliss was all like, “yes it is amazing. Did you know that someone DIED there a couple of days ago? They found him in the water. He went in to swim with his family and the next thing you know, there he was dead in the water. Must have been a heart attack,” she said pensively.
“Um, yeah, must have been,” I replied. “That’s horrible.” And then after polite pause, “so, I was thinking of renting one of those little carts…” and Phyliss says, “oh my goodness, NO. Do you know how dangerous they are? I mean, just the other day, I was driving my car (and it is little) and this girl (I think she was texting) smashed right into me at a stop sign. SMASHED RIGHT INTO ME! and if I were in one of those little carts…NOW I have to drive a HUGE rental car and I’m in physical therapy and my husband is too. My neck is killing me…this is just what I need at my age…” and I’m like, “at any age…” and Phyliss says, “but especially my age. And we just bought that little Mercedes.” And I’M thinking, she’s a concierge and can afford a Mercedes? Maybe I should just forgo being an entrepreneur and become a concierge at Hyatt. So I’m like, “yeah, it is awful, AWFUL” and Phyliss says “and it’s not EVEN illegal in Rhode Island to text while you drive. She thinks and then her face brightens, “well have a nice day!”. Oh, I will Phyl, don’t you worry.
Lara’s not so lousy vacation: Day 2
Vacation is supposed to be a time where you figure out what you want to do with your life. And I figured it out. I like, no LOVE just to talk. To people. About anything. So today I spend about an hour talking to this antique dealer, in her roasting oven store (no AC) about distressing the beautiful 1930’s mahogany dining room set that she was selling for $650 (and couldn’t give it away–if only I had the space for God Sakes SOMEONE buy it!), and about how bad things were in Newport for all the merchants, and about how to build a website (had to figure some business out of this). Then I spent the next two hours talking to another woman who ran a restaurant about her ex (who was a shit and she dumped him) and I realized that I better start my vacation. And so I did. This is where I ate lunch:
And this is what I had for lunch:
And this is what I had for dessert.
Then I walked. And walked. And walked. Not bad for day two. If you like to talk. And eat.