August 28th

Day 5, Part I: Hiking and bathroom basics.

You know when you just really have no idea how your day is going to turn out and then you get such a rich experience, just simply from living? Ok, ok, it only happens on vacation and when you don’t give a damn about anything else but enjoying your last friggin’ day despite the fact that you started with Hurricane Bill and ended with Hurricane Danny…more men than you’ve had all year. Anyway, now that I’ve just gobbled down two horrible “TURN DOWN” chocolates despite the fact that I’ve had a day complete with gluttony, here it goes. This day is so long… I’m going to separate it into two posts: Part I: Hiking and Bathroom Basics and Part II: Gluttony in Newport.

Believe it or not, the day started out unbelievably beautiful but when I talked to my mom in NJ, and she said it was pouring, I knew raindrops could not be far behind, so wanting to get my final moment of rays, I forfeited for now, the last day of my two Mansion House ticket and drove quickly to the beach. Very quickly it all turned forboden and I ended up at the Newport Wildlife Sanctuary. Being that I’ve eaten no less than a hog at fattening time this entire week, I figured a simple 3 mile “hike” through the wilds of Newport (well, actually Middletown) would do a body good. So me, being the safe hiker, asked the girl at the office if it was safe being that a new hurricane was on the way and she’s like, “well, just be careful of the water access. We are going to close it up this afternoon due to the storm”. And I was figuring out if I should give her my cell phone number JUST IN CASE I got caught out there, but I didn’t want to seem like a wuss and just said OK while buying a bottle of spring water (long hike and all that –remembering my last hike 2 years ago in Bryce Canyon). So anyway, I start out on the trail, and it really is quite flat and easy with nothing but surf and birds chirping and I’m like, I need to take a memory photo so that when all those yahoos are screaming outside my window at 3AM after getting drunk at Jimmy’s I will focus on these sounds. And all seems good and well for a while until of course, I have to pee. And I wonder, if as the sign warns, are the ticks and poison ivy really bad, or do I just let nature call? And around the next bend is a couple doing the same hike that I’m doing, and I’m thinking this isn’t like Byrce Canyon after all (where Bella and I ran into 2 people in 4 hours). So, it’s figured out for me, I am not climbing anywhere, just enjoying the views, which are pretty spectacular and leads me to pondering why New England coastline is so rocky. But then the urge gets a little stronger and I’m wondering if it’s age or just the Diet Coke that I drank before, but I really have to go. So I longingly look here and it’s like a definite no go for me because ticks, and ivy and hey, let’s add some black widows to that list as well (I did see tons of spiders) but meanwhile, it’s still pretty quiet and peaceful until I see a couple and a family and I’m thinking what kind of sanctuary is this with all those PEOPLE who are preventing me from answering the call of nature. Very quickly things take a turn for the worse, and then I hear “TO YOUR LEFT” from this guy

and I’m like REALLY? Do you REALLY think I can’t hear your huffing and puffing and VERY loud pounding behind me? (OK I’m being mean. He’s trying. But wouldn’t you know if he was behind you??) And I think to myself THIS HAS GONE ON FOR LONG ENOUGH. And I turn down the path toward ocean access and see this which of course is awesome, and think perfect private place until I see the people fishing a 50 feet to the left, so basically I am stuck. But stay I did and the rain started coming in little drops. And the view was fantastic and it was all so peaceful that I wasted another 20 minutes listening to the ipod and trying to figure out what I’d have to give up to move here. Well anyway, back on the path, I run into a runner, who has her head phones and baseball cap firmly pulled down, her tight body telling me she means business so I was afraid to ask her how far the end was, but shortly there after a very nice, very plump (not that I’m thin or anything) woman tells me it’s only a short 5 minute walk. And I’m thinking thank God this is nothing like Bryce (which is 4 hours of uphill hiking). And things are good again. Just another shot to give you the feel

I even saw this baby mouse which was so cute especially since he wasn’t in my living room (a whole other story involving peanut butter, mice traps and a very street smart mouse.)

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On August 31st, 2009 at 7:46 pm, Debra said:

Your trip sounds amazing and I thoroughly enjoy your writing….it is very creative and funny! Good luck with your new business.


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