New York or LA: worst place to raise a teenage daughter
It’s been ages and ages I know. But that’s what happens when you become a CEO, little did I know, you become a slave to your business. At first, I was like, no more frowns in the morning, no more frowns at night. Because I work for myself, no one left to fight. Hmmmm. Something like that. Well anyway, I diverge from the topic which, was brought up because, one of my fav shows (Californication–if you haven’t watched it, you should ) has a dilemma…his baby mama (let’s say teenage daughter mama) has moved from glorious Venice beach to have some kind of career, where? Back in the big dirty apple. And last week’s episode was like: “L.A. is no place to raise a teenager.” And I’m like, “so, um, what, you’re taking her back to New York? Are you f’ing KIDDING me?” How do these script writers come up with this stuff and now I’m like, OK, maybe I’m over reacting here, and maybe NY IS better. So, I drew up this little pro and con list of the best versus west in terms of raising a teen:
Answers, btw, were supplied by several teenage daughters on either side of these great divided states. So there you have it, moms and dads. Both coasts are…equally bad. So now a quiz:
On which coast was this muchacha raised?
That was actually a rhetorical question. But a girl after my own heart. I’ll give you a hint. It ain’t where you think.
Cheers,
Lara
Actually, there is an 11th sign the world has gone mad:
The fact that people who drug and rape 13 year olds should be allowed to go free if:
- They win the academy award or the Palme d’Or
- they direct fantastic movies,
- if the event happened so long ago, the now 43 year old victim is over it
- If Whoopie Goldberg says it wasn’t really a “rape, rape”
- That, and the fact that the potential rapist has been on the lam so long should completely neutralize the drugging and raping of the potential 13 year old mentioned above.
Yes, the world is gone mad.
David Letterman and the top 10 signs it’s a world gone mad
10: Elizabeth Smart’s kidnapper/rapist might be found as not “fit for trial” and therefore who knows if he will get the punishment he deserves.
9. Another horrible criminal case: Casey Anthony’s attorney found crucial evidence tainted and is asking for the murder charges to be dropped.
8. Americans are more upset about the fact that Chicago did not get the Olympics than the fact the Obama didn’t make good headway in Iran.
7. Women actually had SEX with David Letterman. And it’s the front page news despite the other, more important news…like reasons 10-8.
6. People cheered him on his show when he admitted it.
5. If you were once the NY governor, and admitted you had sex with a prostitute, you may get kicked out of office, but you are also get to be on the Bill Mayer show to debate on HBO with others on how good/bad Obama is doing.
4. Bella took out the garbage the first time I asked.
3. Starbucks now has instant coffee and if they play their free taste test one more time, I will avoid them for the rest of the year.
2. I have made it through the week without a single glass of wine. Not one. And I didn’t miss it. Maybe because I was as sick as a dog? Who knows.
And the number one sign I know it’s a world gone mad??
1. I found a snuggie in my sisters house.
Obama assassination poll
So today, the internet is abuzz with the fact that some dude (or dudette) posted an assassination poll on Facebook. And this guy is just oh so excited that he was the FIRST person to report it to the secret service and so continues to blither on and on about oh how thankful the secret service was that this poll was brought to their attention, folks.
“We worked with Facebook to take it down, and we are currently investigating the matter,” said Ed Donovan, a Secret Service spokesman in Washington.
And then Mr. Gottalaff goes on to say how scary this all is. Scary? Scary. Really. Like no one’s ever posted manical rantings and ravings before? Scary to me, is the US not knowing about the Iranian nucular development. Or what Korea’s up to. Or even where our famous friend, Osama is these days… We’d never even know if he was driving a cab right now. That to me rocks a tad bit more scary than the Facebook poll. But here’s the bigger news. Over 700 people voted. Thousands have reported on this story. And no one has reported the results.
That my friends, is fear.
Hypochondria
So, those of you who know me and love me. Or hate me, also know that I am a level 10 hypocondriate (10 being highest on a scale of 1-10). And no one anywhere can convince me otherwise, because despite all my many hours of shrinkage, and despite all my the sage advise on how to get rid of colds and flus, I am the worst patient. Ever. Which brings me to Bella. She’s been staying at her dad’s house (one of the few times he comes in handy), because, well, she just IS. And now, because it’s that time of year, she’s gotten yet ANOTHER cold. And so, of course, SHE WANTS TO COME HOME. (That coupled with the fact that he’s going out of town tomorrow, spells Trouble with a capital T).
This cold, however, did not stop her from partying all weekend long. Despite my attempts to get her to stay home and rest. So NOW she is really hacking and sneezing away and, on top of that, looks like shit warmed over, so yes, she is really and truly sick because of course Thursday, I have my first really big convention acting as a newly minted CEO. The stakes are high. Therefore, I have condemned Bell to keep to only two areas of our huge 700 square foot apartment–her room, and the bathroom. (Under threat of losing Facebook). To which she agreed. But someone else in our home thought the better of this, and decided, in her way to help with dirty tissue clean up. Anyone want a black poodle?
Another Chloe Story: Sometimes you just step in shit
Read more about Bella
Naturally thin
So, The Learning Annex has this class called: “how to be naturally thin”, but it’s like if I were NATURALLY THIN I wouldn’t have to be on fucking Weight Watchers would I? I mean doesn’t NATURALLY THIN mean that you don’t have to do ANYTHING to be thin because you are NATURALLY thin? Meaning, I wouldn’t have to take a class to learn how to be naturally thin, because it’s natural. Like, if you are a NATURAL BLOND, you don’t have to die your hair. If you have naturally dark skin…guess what, NO TANNING SALONS (which you shouldn’t do ANYWAY, because of skin cancer and all that but you get my drift). If you have naturally plump lips…no Restylane, naturally blue eyes, NO CONTACT LENS…leading me back to my original point, naturally thin…NO LEARNING ANNEX CLASS. However, the lure of Bethanny Frankel RealHousewives of NY star (also Martha Stewart Apprentice runner up) was just too strong for me to deny. And here’s what I found out:
- she teaches you when you are really hungry (um isn’t that what stomach growling is about?) I don’t know about you, but I don’t have any success telling my stomach to shut up.
- Think about food in a positive way (except for mushrooms, I’ve never had that problem)
- Exercise control over your body (um DUH– this isn’t natural, especially when you have a 16 year old daughter who drives you nuts and are a brand new CEO with NO clients AND your 1993 Lincoln needs a $1000 of repairs AND your poodle continues to poop on the rug despite 4 walks a day (it just LOOKS like a wee-wee pad). It’s like REALLY? I’m supposed to control the urge to splurge? Natural my ass.
- Practice what the Italians do “Eat little, but well”– last time I was in Italy, many people were eating well. But little? Not so much.
- Allow yourself to be naturally thin. HUH? Going back to my original point…Natural means you don’t have to do anything because it’s NATURAL. (sorry for all the CAPS but just couldn’t help it tonight)
So, since the course fee is only $44, I’m considering it. A few other choices popped out at me, what do you think?
The time of his life…
So, after watching this non-embeddable YOUTUBE video over and over, the tears streaming down my face, I will say it’s hard to believe that this hunky, talented guy has gone to the here after. It’s unlikely that a sexier, hotter, more memorable dance scene will ever be filmed in my lifetime. And if it does, I do believe it will be Patrick choreographing it from above.
And I am sure, part of the reason I’m still single, is because Johnny Castle never walked into my life. Hell, why should I lower my standards??