March 8th

Snuggie Season is over…

…at last. for those of you who live on the east coast, unless you were in bed sick all weekend, it wasn’t too hard to miss the spring weather. And spring? Well, that means allergies and cleaning. Both events I look forward to with, well, all the thrill of a bird in heat. And so, I decided to take that brand new pillow hogging up the closet, that I bought last summer at Macy’s for Bella’s camping excursion (which she never went on) tried to get my twenty bucks back because Macy’s takes everything back even if you wear it, dry cleaned it, and wear it again as long as you give them your birth certificate, drivers license and first born. I am not sure why they have this policy except that it enables them to collect a very LARGE database filled with people’s social and driver’s license numbers, which I am sure they sell to some counterfeit ring, in order to make large profits from identity theft.

There I was feeling very pleased with myself, and $20 richer until I encountered this: THE ELEVATOR MOB. And unless you have shopped at Macy’s on 34th street, you can’t possibly know what it’s like to try and get onto an elevator during Spring sales. It can turn deadly, so, I decided to take the escalator, which for those of you who don’t know are the oldest elevators in the country. And, I’m sorry, is it me? Or does the sight of that rickety old elevator fill you with the same dread and fear as walking down the gangplank to a US Airways taking off from La Guardia? My heart pounds a little harder as I grab the railing and let not one, not two, but three moving stairs pass before I am absolutely sure that I’ll not mis-step and go tumbling down and get my fingers caught in the bottom one as the emergency crew tries diligently to save them from sure amputation.

Next on the journey, Bed,Bath & Beyond, because, aside from teenage angst, boy trouble and imagined skin conditions, Bella also suffers from allergies to DUST friggin’ MITES. Which basically means that, outside of LA, Manhattan is the worst city in the world for her to live. So I’m on my way to getting DUST MITE MATTRESS covers when I see this:

and I think to myself REALLY? A set of pots worth $600? Really? Good thing I order in all the time. Look at all the money I’m saving. And then I find this:

And I’m like…$9.98 for organic RAISINS??? It must be the evaporated CANE JUICE. Good thing I’m still eating the shitty, inorganic pesticide soaked raisins.

And finally, I see these.

And I’m like, thank GOD Snuggie Season is over. At $14.99 They are SO on sale.

 
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