ALWAYS REMEMBER
I wrote this last year, but being out of creative juices, feel it’s just as applicable today as it was then, even if the only other person in my office now that I am self employed is a fuzzy black toy poodle
We always must remember,
Must never forget,
The day 2976 died,
By the fires of jets.
Today was different,
Then most other years,
Today only families,
Shed their tears.
My office was busy,
No one spoke of the day.
It was business as usual,
People went on their way.
No silence was observed,
As the names were read,
The TV chattered to an empty room,
About our dead.
Did we really forget,
On this warm September night,
The thing that happened,
That caused us to fight?
It seemed that way,
And it shouldn’t be,
That around me NY,
Went on…quite merrily.
So I devote this post,
To all that perished,
Please know that forever,
Your memories are cherished.
And I guess that’s what makes,
New York go round,
That even when weeping,
You don’t hear the sound.
Because it’s still there,
That hole in the ground.
Where towers once blazed,
No peace will be found.
Mudda fu&ka street signs: caught on Blackberry
I’ve been there. You’ve been there. But somehow, catching it on camera, it’s a little less painful…for me, that is. 
We know what the sign says…it might be telling us not to park here, but then again, maybe not. So PLUEEZE officer (s) cut the lady a break! “No can do, ma’am. We’re in a recession. Why do you think those signs are so confusing?”
It’s Chloe the Sailor Dog
If I can’t find a mate, than at least I have a matey. Yes, I know it’s the canine type, but not a word of complaint. Not a word.
And her hair…doesn’t get one knot.
Mother daughter talk…in reverse
So, in an effort to catch me at my own game, Bella my forever teenager (please tell me 21 is around the corner because I just don’t know HOW I am going to survive 16), figures out she is going to get me to spill the beans on my romantic life. But believe me Bella if there was one, YOU would be the first to know. This is my clever way of turning conversation back on her, and thus ensuring her virginity until she’s 35.
BELLA: so mom, I know you have a secret boyfriend.
ME: I do not. Why in gods name would I HIDE a boyfriend from you?
BELLA: It’s more fun that way.
ME: No, it’s just immature.
BELLA: A lot of people I know have secret boyfriends.
ME: Well, I can understand if you don’t want to tell your girlfriends and everything and have them bugging you about personal stuff.
BELLA: No, it’s not that, it’s just more…
ME: When you’re an adult, the only reason you keep your boyfriends secret is if you are having an affair or you are cheating on someone.
BELLA: Well why didn’t SOBVULTURE want to tell anyone?
ME: Because he really liked you and you didn’t like him. Maybe he thought you didn’t want anyone to know.
BELLA: I know you think he liked me.
ME: He also wanted to have sex with you.
BELLA: MOMMMM!
ME: What?
BELLA: It sounds so animalistic when you say it that way!
ME: What do you want me to say, “make love?
BELLA: No that sounds like we’re married.
ME: Vodiododo? Horizontal Cha cha? What?
BELLA: Mooommm. You make him sound like an animal.
ME: All boys are animals.
BELLA: Like a pig or something.
ME: That’s exactly what SOBVULTURE is. A pig. All boys are! Never forget that.
Ok, I know you are all thinking I need some heavy duty help. For surely, anyone who is having this conversation with their daughter, needs something very, very, very strong. Especially since my advice might sound a tad too um, severe, nasty, mean, scary. But really, I can’t keep her locked in her bedroom forever (well, Facebook already does that), but for the few times she ventures out…I just want to put the fear of God in her. Think it’s working? (BTW, that sow looks pretty happy to me.)
Vacation weight: last day, Part 6
All good things must inevitably come to an end…even vacations. And, so of course, did mine, with a thump and a bang and the arrival of David or Danny or whatever that last hurricane’s name was because August 29th is so long ago it seems like a lifetime. But with this as my parting breakfast view, 
I’m really not so sad because if the weather was good, well then, I’d really have been depressed about leaving. And so I hop in the Lincoln and drive the 160 miles home which should have taken 3 1/2 hours but took 4 1/2 because 138 isn’t paved for at least 5 miles, and with the shocks on this car (which is 18 years old, don’t ask), I really didn’t want to have another $1800 replacement– yes that’s what they cost on a Lincoln from the 20th Century. But alas, I ramble.
And I get home, terrified of the scale so I don’t step on it for a day or two (at least until I figure I stop eating like the hoggette I described in the last post). So Monday comes, and oh my God, I have only gained a pound! And I’m like freaking out and celebrating and think that Mother Nature has given me a new found metabolism so I can continue eating the way I did last week (with the slight memory lapse that not once did I spend the day in front of a laptop because it was spent walking around exploring mansions and downtown Newport. Well, what a shocker then when this morning Mr. Scale revealed a TWO pound weight gain, and I’m like OH MY GOD, WTF? So I decide that I’d best get my New Balances on, get the ipod and do a quick run around Gramercy and I am so stressed out from my new job as CEO, that it doesn’t really take very long to go about 2 miles (even with the two stops to check that friggin’ buzzin’ Blackberry). But anyway, I feel pretty proud about getting back on track, so I scroll to my “WALKING TRACK” which is a bunch of calm, pretty music that every one who is 16 hates. I start my path back to East 31st, via 3rd Avenue, and I notice with amazement, a NEW yogurt place. 
And I’m like, I’ve never seen this one before, might as well have a little taste, not many calories in a little taste. So I go in as though I’m going to order it if I like it (which I do) but than I innocently ask whether “plain” is the only flavor, (which I can clearly see IS, and it’s good, but hell I will not afford the calories) and they say yes, and I’m like “well, it’s a little too sour for me” and I nonchalantly stroll out. Then, not 4 blocks away comes ANOTHER surprise
and I’m like are YOU kidding me? How the hell are all these yogurt places going to survive? I’d better go check it out and see whether it has the gumption to outlive Yogurberry and doing my service to all the frozen Yogurts of NYC I go in and ask for a sample…just to make sure. And it’s even creamier and tastier than the previous one and I’m like, “I’ll have to come back with my daughter later. She’ll be pissed at me if I get this without her.” And I stroll out again, with the server nodding and smiling (while secretly throwing invisible darts at my back) and I don’t really feel guilty, because after all, I have TWO pounds to lose just to get back to my post vacation weight. And then I’m almost home and see the all too familiar
and I figure that if I am a true aficionado, in order to serve my readers, I’d best do a taste test of Berrywild, just so this post has SOME value. And I do. And the Mocha is fabulous (even if it is just a sample) and I tell them I’ll come back after dinner, (don’t want to spoil my appetite) and they nod and smile and give me the frequent Berry Card. A run, a snack, a free lo cal snack AND a frequent Berry Card. I’m feeling pretty good. So good in fact, that I brought Bella back to use that frequent Berry card. So I could just have a taste of hers. Just a little taste.
Day 5, Part II: Gluttony in Newport
So last night, while dining at the amazing Castle Hill, some guy from Chicago recommends this place near the beach, called Flos where you can get Clam Cakes, Chowdda and a Beer all for $5 while watching the surf . And after my the grueling hike, it’s just 5 minutes away. Then I get there and I see this line, 
which reminds me of the line in NYC in front of the Shake Shack and I wonder if this is only because the food’s so cheap (but it’s really not because I want the Lobster roll which is $15 (but without mayo) and so I wait online for a good 1/2 hour since this is the local place and in the end, this is what I get.
Lipitor anyone? And it’s just OK, but I’ve had the grease fill for a while–it’s something I had to do lest this day be any healthier than life in NY. Anyway, the Gluttony continued with the second Mansion tour. Gluttony of the Vanderbilt’s that is. Marble House was something to see—an $11 Million expenditure in the late 1800’s OH MY GOD, and they don’t let you take pictures but it was crazy how they lived. The good and the bad was that Alva Vanderbilt, though she forced her daughter to get married to some British Duke that needed her money, (and locked her in her bedroom lest she marry the man she was truly in love with—whom Alva threatened to kill) was also a fore-runner in the woman’s suffragette movement and believed in woman’s rights and all that.
But all this history made my head spin and my stomach grumble, so at 5:30, walking along Thames Street to get my family gifts, I just happened upon Cold Fusion Gelato 
which was outrageously delicious and I learned something new…Gelato is less fattening than ice cream. Fill me up. But the dish of Chocobrownie and somethingelseequallyrich had me thinking that my dinner reservation wasn’t going to happen because by now I really don’t even need dinner, not even if it is my last night. Well, I can waste a whole lot of time discussing what happened between that thought and now, but I did end up dragging myself to Scales and Shells (at 9:30 just before closing) and I have to tell you…well let pictures speak for themselves.
It was melt in your mouth fish –fish for people who don’t like fish and add to that the hot staff, and the story behind the fish (ever watch Swords on TLC?? Well, I ATE swordfish from one of those boats—I just can’t really believe that people still do that, like risk their lives for a bit of fish—it brought a tear to my eye, not only for the fish but the poor fishermen (isn’t that what cattle in Montana are for?), but anyway, I am glad they did and I really have to say, some way I am coming back soon even if it is just to pick up my Mastercard that I left at Castle Hill last night (THAT my friends, is another tale.)
Note:Swordboat, fresh fish, hot guys, hot NICE guys and mouth watering food.
.
Day 5, Part I: Hiking and bathroom basics.
You know when you just really have no idea how your day is going to turn out and then you get such a rich experience, just simply from living? Ok, ok, it only happens on vacation and when you don’t give a damn about anything else but enjoying your last friggin’ day despite the fact that you started with Hurricane Bill and ended with Hurricane Danny…more men than you’ve had all year. Anyway, now that I’ve just gobbled down two horrible “TURN DOWN” chocolates despite the fact that I’ve had a day complete with gluttony, here it goes. This day is so long… I’m going to separate it into two posts: Part I: Hiking and Bathroom Basics and Part II: Gluttony in Newport.
Believe it or not, the day started out unbelievably beautiful but when I talked to my mom in NJ, and she said it was pouring, I knew raindrops could not be far behind, so wanting to get my final moment of rays, I forfeited for now, the last day of my two Mansion House ticket and drove quickly to the beach. Very quickly it all turned forboden and I ended up at the Newport Wildlife Sanctuary. Being that I’ve eaten no less than a hog at fattening time this entire week, I figured a simple 3 mile “hike” through the wilds of Newport (well, actually Middletown) would do a body good. So me, being the safe hiker, asked the girl at the office if it was safe being that a new hurricane was on the way and she’s like, “well, just be careful of the water access. We are going to close it up this afternoon due to the storm”. And I was figuring out if I should give her my cell phone number JUST IN CASE I got caught out there, but I didn’t want to seem like a wuss and just said OK while buying a bottle of spring water (long hike and all that –remembering my last hike 2 years ago in Bryce Canyon). So anyway, I start out on the trail, and it really is quite flat and easy with nothing but surf and birds chirping and I’m like, I need to take a memory photo so that when all those yahoos are screaming
outside my window at 3AM after getting drunk at Jimmy’s I will focus on these sounds. And all seems good and well for a while until of course, I have to pee. And I wonder, if as the sign warns, are the ticks and poison ivy really bad, or do I just let nature call? And around the next bend is a couple doing the same hike that I’m doing, and I’m thinking this isn’t like Byrce Canyon after all (where Bella and I ran into 2 people in 4 hours). So, it’s figured out for me, I am not climbing anywhere, just enjoying the views, which are pretty spectacular and leads me to pondering why New England coastline is so rocky.
But then the urge gets a little stronger and I’m wondering if it’s age or just the Diet Coke that I drank before, but I really have to go. So I longingly look here 
and it’s like a definite no go for me because ticks, and ivy and hey, let’s add some black widows to that list as well (I did see tons of spiders) but meanwhile, it’s still pretty quiet and peaceful until I see a couple and a family and I’m thinking what kind of sanctuary is this with all those PEOPLE who are preventing me from answering the call of nature. Very quickly things take a turn for the worse, and then I hear “TO YOUR LEFT” from this guy
and I’m like REALLY? Do you REALLY think I can’t hear your huffing and puffing and VERY loud pounding behind me? (OK I’m being mean. He’s trying. But wouldn’t you know if he was behind you??) And I think to myself THIS HAS GONE ON FOR LONG ENOUGH. And I turn down the path toward ocean access and see this 
which of course is awesome, and think perfect private place until I see the people fishing a 50 feet to the left, so basically I am stuck. But stay I did and the rain started coming in little drops. And the view was fantastic and it was all so peaceful that I wasted another 20 minutes listening to the ipod and trying to figure out what I’d have to give up to move here. Well anyway, back on the path, I run into a runner, who has her head phones and baseball cap firmly pulled down, her tight body telling me she means business so I was afraid to ask her how far the end was, but shortly there after a very nice, very plump (not that I’m thin or anything) woman tells me it’s only a short 5 minute walk. And I’m thinking thank God this is nothing like Bryce (which is 4 hours of uphill hiking). And things are good again. Just another shot to give you the feel
I even saw this baby mouse
which was so cute especially since he wasn’t in my living room (a whole other story involving peanut butter, mice traps and a very street smart mouse.)