The Kiss, Part I: The Lip Virgin
The Mother Daughter Talk…Yes, With Bella and Me
So mommy, I know this girl who hooked up with this guy cause she hadn’t ever kissed any body before, so does that make her a slut?
No. So who did you kiss?
Who did you kiss? I can’t believe you had your first kiss and you’re not telling me.(Bella) Cause I didn’ t have my first kiss yet. What does she do if the guy wants to keep kissing her and she doesn’t want to kiss him any more.
Is she gay?
No. She’s not gay at all. She’s just doesn’t like him like that.
Is he cute?
Ewww. So she just needs to say, I’m really sorry, you’re a nice guy, but I think our kiss was a mistake.
No, not a mistake, because I’m a lip virgin. And I wanted to de-virginize my lips.
It IS YOU!
No no no no no. Not me.
Ok, so WHO was the BOY????
It wasn’t me. OK, I’ll tell you tomorrow, at 3:30. It will never happen again after 3:30 tomorrow.
OH. YOU MADE A PLAN???? DO you have White Strips on now, or something?
But this is not about me. This is about my friend.
I do NOT believe you. So, you might as well tell me who the boy was.
I’m going to brush my teeth now. I made a plan, to meet this boy, but it wasn’t really me, it was someone else who made the plan, tomorrow.
Someone ELSE made the plan? Who made the plan?
You don’t know them.
Who is the boy?
No, cause you’re going to tell me NO.
WHO IS THE BOY?
You don’t know him. His name is Sobvulture (name changed to protect the innocent)
OH MY GOD.OH MY GOD. SOBVULTURE, the abusive nasty boy. Who said FUCK YOU TO YOU in 7th grade and I had to call his father?
No it’s not him.
YES IT IS. Don’t do it because he will blab to the entire soccer team you will regret it.
I don’t care. He can say whatever he wants. Being a slut is a good reputation these days.
I am so sick of having that goody, goody, good girl sunshine reputation. Have you kissed any guys yet? Nooooo. I am too scared to. And to top it all my mother thinks I’m a lesbian. Achhhhhh. Now it doesn’t sound interesting anymore. Now that I told you. I shouldn’t have told you. Now I don’t feel like doing it.
Oh my God. WHERE IS MY DAMN Chardonnay???????