You know it’s 2009 when…
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don’t have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and
you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this
list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
Face Book Manners
Yes another reason…to PICK UP THE PHONE!!
Facebook: The Rules
Do, I but you never read them, those multi-page, impossible to understand TERMS AND AGREEMENT on Facebook, didja? Nope. Didn’t think so. Cause I didn’t either. Like, who DOES? But, if you had, like if I HAD, then perhaps I wouldn’t have spent the next 5 days rebuilding all my friends in Facebook. Like, for example, you CAN’T start a profile about YOUR business and then proceed to FRIEND people to drive traffic to your business. Nope. You can’t do that. And, don’t, for God’s sakes, ever, never, ever, try to start a new facebook and assign your old email address to that. If you do, do you know what happens? Your old page disappears. FOREVER. It’s NOT deactivating, as so many friends have told me I have done. It is DELETING. Buh, bye. Nada. Gone. And then you:
1) Lose the NEW Facebook you were trying to build — it’s against the rules.
2) Lose the OLD Facebook that took you two years to build. It’s against their code.
So, go figure. I am telling you all this, so you can save yourself the same mistake I had. I need this like I needed a Facebook account.
Cheers,
Simon never stands
I admit it. I love American Idol. I know. Wrong demo and all that. But I do. And I also love the Brit version, which BTW came out first. I especially love it when a woman comes on stage, with more than one physical handicap, (like her eyebrows really need to go to the local threading salon –oh shut up you thought the same thing), and well, Vidal could do a little something with her hair, and she opens her mouth and sounds like 1000 angels coming down from heaven. Well, it’s really something. But I just wonder, why the HELL can’t Simon ever get his arse out of the seat and give her the standing ovation she deserved. Or maybe, he felt, standing would just prove, that well, her looks didn’t preface the voice. And making that assumption would be unfair. Wouldn’t it?
Security in New York City…
OK, so Friday, I had to go to the dreaded dentist. Cleaning, filling and all. I don’t know about you, but the sound of that high pitched drill in my ear? Well, it certainly ain’t somethin’ I look forward to. Hey, come to think of it, didn’t that shit in Marathon Man torture Dustin Hoffman with a dentist’s tool? So, do they really think, do they really TRULY think, a terrorist is going to come into a tall building in Rockefeller Center, disguised as a curly haired, eye glass toting, neurotic female woman, and say: “I have a dental appointment with Dr. Levin?” Yeah, I don’t think so either. So why do they insist on asking for my ID? Like, um, I’m going to blow up Dr. Levin’s office anyway, but you can have my ID so you can know exactly who pulled the trigger? Or, is this just a way to keep unemployment levels down and annoyance levels up?
We could all use a little miracle
Economic crisis, war, poverty. Sometimes, the only thing that can fix it? A little miracle. Or a big one.
Shoot me NOW: The itch redux
So, I really thought, I really really thought, I would get through this Sunday without one glass of wine. In fact, I was actually going to post something political today, like about how friggin’ ridiculous it is that the PRESIDENT of the United States was on the Jay Leno Show…like he’s doing the Reagan thing in reverse. But, no, I am not going to go there. (Don’t blame me I didn’t vote for him…I just didn’t vote) Instead, I am going to go the fact that in effort to try and be a cool mom to Bella (now 15 and 11.5 months) that I went out and bought her a teeny, tiny bikini shaver since she complained (and I agreed) that certain areas needed a little prune job.
Well, today was the day, in between homework and cleaning her room she decided she would take a bath. A nice LOOONG bath, so I went in to see how much longer the luxury was going to go on. And there she was starting the gardening. So, I’m like: “don’t do it in the bath tub, ’cause the drain will clog”. And she’s like: “OK” And I go back to making myself an omelet. Moments later: “Mom, I accidentally did something!” and I’m like what the FUCK now??? (To myself of course) And I go in and there before me, is the nether region that she came into the world with. And I scream at her: “ACCIDENT? THAT WAS NO ACCIDENT. LOOK AT ALL THAT HAIR IN THE GOD DAMN BATH TUB. WHERE DID I TELL YOU TO DO THAT? WHERE??? AND ITCHING? ITCHING? YOU THOUGHT YOU ITCHED LAST YEAR??”
You are probably wondering why I got so insane, but you only have to read about last year’s saga (and no, this is not a ploy to get you to read my blog) to know, what shaving hell is. I guess it helps to know that Bella has a touch of obsessional thinking (yeah, higher than most girls) and so, the itching can potentially drive us both insane, her doctor too. And so I yelled. To the point where I said: “Just go to your father’s right now. But not until you clean every drop of hair out of that tub!” And she’s like, “I have to go to my father’s because I shaved? Now I’m worried it’s going to itch.” It IS going to itch. A LOT. “But what am I going to do about it?” To which I told her to call my friend Tina, ’cause Tina is an expert in shaving in that area. And she’s like: “You SAW Tina NAKED???” Which is so shocking to her, that instead, Bella decides to post the following message on Yahoo Help: I shaved down there. A lot. Is it going to itch? And if it does, what do I do? Will I still be able to run track?
And I’m thinking, Obama is just doing the best he can. And if a little guest spot on Leno at the small national expense of $500K can kick us back onto the right track, than a little hair down the drain can’t be that bad. Where did you say you kept the shotgun?