Google does it again: perfecting contextual targeting
So after this article on the Huffington Post…just a little further down–
No, a little bit more…
Well, it is actually about 362 comments further down, but then this page would be a little too long, there it is, the perfectly relevant ad, served by Google.
Yes, I now want to order a pizza online. Don’t you?
Obama’s date
So, I know I am going to be a bit unpopular here, but I’m really NOT TOO HAPPY about Obama’s choice to spend at least $25,000 of my tax dollars, and actually, hundreds of thousands more on his lavish date with Michelle this Saturday. Yes, yes, I KNOW he promised her that after it was all over, he would take her for a night on the town in the big dirty apple. But really, in these economic times, couldn’t he have promised to take out the trash? Get her some nice jewelry? Pick up puppy poop? There are so many other ways that he could have shown his affection rather than spending MY money to take his wife on a date. Hmmm. I know. I’m going to ask him to return the favor. The next time my imaginary boyfriend asks me what I want to do, I’m going to tell him to ask Barack for some ideas.
P.S. I loved Michelle’s dress though, didn’t you?
I am a celebrity so get me out of here…
I just kind of have to wonder about these celebs on NBC’s Monday night prime time (thank you very much) line up. They seemed very aghast at their slummy camping facilities, but like, um, didn’t they just sign up for this REALITY FUGGIN’ TV show?? I guess it all is summed up by Heidi Montag when she says, “I feel like everything’s been taken away from me and, like, not in a good way.” My advice, GET OFF THE TV SHOW or shut up you mouf! Listen, you’re in Costa Rica, figure out SOME way to have a good time. Either that, or get back to work. What’s that you say??
What do YOU think, internet. Is it them or am I crazy?
P.S. Do reality stars REALLY count as celebrities??
Cell phone ransom: taxi cab holdup
At 8:45 this morning I got the dreaded call from Bella which was, “mom, I took a cab even though you told me not to and it cost $15 and I left my cell phone in the cab…” And I’m like, shit, another 2 years with Verizon just to get her the free phone. So I do what any other self respecting human being does in this case, I call it, and call it and call it. When, at last an hour later, a foreign voice answers, and I ask him, “Hi, do you have my cell phone?” (Yes, I ASKED, cause even though he answered, it’s still not obvious to me that he DOES have the phone), I hear the GLEE in his voice as he says, “Yes”. “When can I get it back?” I nervously question. “How much you PAY?” he replies.
At this point I am envisioning Tina Fey’s dangerous foray into Queens where she meets 
her cab driver in order to retrieve her cell which has a picture of her BOOBS on it. Subsequently, Kenneth –(who if you don’t know, this whole post means nothing to you anyway) gets mugged but saves the day, and Tina gets her cell phone back for something like $2000 .
I figured, I was not about to negotiate this deal ’cause who the hell wants to have to schlep into the wilds of Queens and get mugged, so I offered him $20 without any negotiation, and he’s like, “ok”. And I’m like, GOD DAMN, I knew I should have offered less. But then again, I did not have to go to Queens. And I’m also thinking that I am no longer trapped into signing another 2 year Verizon contract, so I actually got away cheap.
But then, Bella comes home after school and reports to me that she had told the cab driver to drop the phone off at her school (no ransom involved). And I’m like, “for free? He was going to drop it off for FREE??? And she says “yeah, why did YOU call him? I TOLD you I was going to do it.” And I grit my teeth because I just figured that this time was just like all the other times she TELLS me she’s going to do something, LIKE CLEAN her room but it still looks like a bomb was dropped in the middle of it. So, with my new found mediative calm, I smile, because I’m thinking Bella has a lot of ass kissing to do this weekend. At least $20 worth.
COKE DAMAGES MUSCLES
So I see on YAHOO that COKE DAMAGES MUSCLES. And I’m like, holy shit, I drink one diet coke a day. Is my next visit to the emergency ward? And THEN I see that this woman drinks, “seven liters of cola a day for 10 month”. So I figured that, um, there was a bunch of things you shouldn’t drink 7 liters of, like WATER. So, if you are stupid enough to drink coke like a whale, than, by all means, you should suffer the consequences. Yigads.
American Idol Wrap Up
So, just in case you were one of the two people that didn’t watch the AI finale, I can sum it up in, well, few words:
On aging: Take some fantastic hints from Gene Simmons: wear face paint and your age will always be unlisted.
Or take a cue from Rod Stewart: Get a good surgeon. I mean, he had too, didn’t he?
Speaking Rod, (hum to “Maggie, I wish I’d never…”) and fill in Kara. You KNOW you agree.
And come one, those friggin’ chorus songs make me feel like I’m listening to a high school musical.
Product placement? A little heavy. A lot heavy. I am not buying a Ford Fusion just because Adam is now driving one. AT&T — the only good think is texting votes to AI. Otherwise, service sucks. Come on Verizon, pick up the iPhone already.
The highlight of the whole night? Crazy girl, she seriously needs some drugs, not leaving the stage. What WERE they thinking? Well, it does make for good television.
Also, Judge Aptow’s new movie starting July 31. Ok, 9:59, announce the God Damn Winner already! Can we STRETCH this out any further??? And the winner is…Kris Allen. OK we knew that the cute boy had to win. What a disappointment cause we know WHO the REAL superstar is. Even Kris says, “ADAM DESERVES THIS.” What more do you need to say? And he believes it. This is NOT the face of a winner. Right?
If I were to twitter…
..it would have looked something like this:
10 minutes ago: twittered my day. Thank GOD that’s over. Do people really spend time on this? Coming soon to a blog near you. Follow me on Twitter.
6:00 hours ago:twittering was the best part of my day.
8:00 hours ago: I am not the only one bored. Everyone here is using their blackberry. New clue on if people listen to you. When blackberries come out, shut the f up.
8:25 hours ago: Keep getting stopped by tens of people thinking I will buy the products they are selling. Keep trying to tell them I stole our marketing director’s badge.
8:55 hours ago: I am squirming in my chair. The man next to me is taking up two chairs. Why is that? This is painful. So is twittering.
10:30 hours ago: Dessert sticks to plate when held vertically. table guesses what it is.
11:00 hours ago: I predicted right. Mystery chicken meat for lunch. At least I know it’s chicken.
13: 55 hours ago: Fuggin person behind me is coughing. Cover your mouth dammit. Swine flu and all that
14:00 hours ago: Um, like today is my first tweet. Entering a very crowded conf. room all about social media.