The Cop & The Cabbie
It’s New York, and at that very moment I caught a glimpse of something so priceless, so delicious, so New York, that I halted my mad dash back to the office where I was about to chow down on a very delicious salad with salmon (freshly chopped and tossed) just to give you, my fans (all 51) , the PERFECT New York moment. There’s no audio…enjoy the improv.
Officer, like I was sayin’ there was this big motha fucka bee that flew into my windshield, and I just didn’t see the light. I’m allergic to them bees, ya know what I’m saying?
So listen buddy, I hear ya. You got a wife at home, she’ll freak if ya get another ticket, but I got my job to think about too. Ya know, this being an election year.
Ya friggin’ kidding me? Ya republican? Or what, you’re wife not giving it to you, right? What’s your name? I want your name! Don’t TOUCH ME.
You want my name? You want my friggin’ name? I’ll give you my name.
Here, here’s my name (handing Cabbie a ticket) and my mutha’s name too!
Ya think I’m goin’ PAY THIS? Is that what you think? I’m not gonna take you’re goddamn ticket. What’s your name? I want your name! (It’s on the ticket). Take ya goddamn ticket back. I’m not gonna take this.
Ya think you know who you’re dealing with, doncha? May the fleas of a thousand dead camels infest one of your errogenous zones! May a surgeon sew up your asshole, while your boat capsizes in the middle of the lake, and your mother attracts attention as she runs up and down the shore, barking.
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!
New York Under Siege
Now that the world is aware of the destruction that construction can do to a city, I took a real birds-eye view of what is going on in Manhattan. And frankly, I don’t feel too safe. I mean, how would YOU like to be the person walking under THIS CRANE?
SUPER CRANE Click Here To View Video
And, are you sure you are safe eating at THE SHAKE SHACK in Madison Square Park? Look at the direction this crane could fall
—not to mention the Credit Suisse Clock Tower or the Met Life Building.
Are we just blissfully unaware, or fingers crossed, hoping for the best?
ODE TO CONSTRUCTION
Everywhere I look,
A scaffold does a hover,
I walk so quickly through them,
My head I do a cover.
‘Cause every time I read,
The Post or New York Times,
I see there’s been an accident,
Involving builders’ crimes.
A scaffold falling down,
Or a crane collapsing,
It’s enough to make you wonder,
About all inspection lapsing.
I look up in awe,
At the towers we are constructing,
And I wonder if it’s worth,
All the danger and disruption.
The city ain’t too pretty,
With all these crazy builds.
And I’d really like to figure out,
Who needs are really filled.
We lost some brave souls,
Who climb those tall weak towers.
Their lives are all controlled,
By someone else’s powers.
So it’s time we have this problem fixed,
But who knows how to do it?
It’s all wrapped into politics,
No matter how you skew it.
And so it all continues,
With the city’s master plan.
The scrapers grow, the building flow.
And I have to wonder, does anyone give a damn?
Pregnant Man: Maddy, Dommy?
There comes a time when medical science goes TOO FAR. A woman, who under went a sex change operation to a man, is having a baby because her/his wife, couldn’t get pregnant. Aside from other psychological issues, what is this child (a baby girl) going to call her parent?
This Scares the Crap Out of Me: Why I haven’t signed My Organ Donation Card
A 21 year-old man was declared dead and his family approved organ donation. He was about to be taken away and he moved his foot. Now, he’s talking on the TODAY SHOW. Tells you something!! But I’m not sure what.
Man declared dead feels ‘pretty good’
Pretty Good? I’d feel fucking fantabulous.
Electronics Shopping, Food and More…Find it all at B&H
If you don’t know what B&H is, you’ve never bought or thought of buying a TV, Video Camera, Digital Camera, Sound Equipment, Recording Equipment, Computer Equipment or any other type of equipment that you can think of that plugs into a wall. (Or you don’t live in Manhattan.)
See this line?
It’s not to buy something, order something, or even ask for help. It’s the line for a little free nosh*. Yep. The pretzels, drinks and candies, are always there and are always free.
In fact, it’s the biggest line in the store. Always. And the candy bowls are on every counter. And it must work, because B&H is like no store I’ve ever gone into. It is NEVER, ever not crammed with people. You can’t compare it to Best Buy, J&R, CompUSA, Radio Shack, or even Walmart.
Forget the market research. Every good Jewish mother knows, a full tummy is a happy tummy. A happy tummy, feels happy about pulling out Read the rest of this entry »
I had to add this even if it isn’t mine!
I don’t usually post from other people’s blogs, but this was too priceless NOT TO! Click here and you will see what I mean!
Spitzer and McGreevey Star in the Odd Couple 2.
Laundry Room Etiquette
When you share the room with many others on your floor of your apartment building, it’s good to know the rules:
1) Take the laundry out of machine as soon as it’s done. Don’t leave in machine overnight because you forgot after downing ¾ of a bottle of wine by yourself and falling asleep on the couch because your ex called to tell you he was getting married. Or, you could end up with rock hard towels and panties and that won’t get your bloody ex back, will it?
2) Take laundry out of dryer as soon as it’s done. Otherwise, you could end up with many missing socks, leaving you with lots of half pairs because the guy who grabbed your laundry out of the dryer is a hot 20- something son of a bitch who parties all night and only gets 2 hours of sleep before doing the laundry but still looks good enough to jump, but is too hung over to notice that he didn’t get all of your stuff out of the dryer, leaving you with many missing half pairs, going back to the main point… TAKE LAUNDRY OUT OF DRYER AS SOON AS IT’S done.
3) Take Your Lint out of the Lint Catcher in the Dryer: Because if you don’t, I will hunt you down and make you take your lint out of the dryer. Where did you grow up, in a BARN you lazy asshole? (but animals don’t know any better, so barns aren’t really that bad) because, at this point of my life, I really shouldn’t have to clean someone else’s lint out of the dryer, I should be able to afford dryer of my own.
