The end of the world?
What happens if there’s no cell phones,
If Blackberries disappear,
If texting becomes extinct,
If no iPhones launch this year?
What happens if Facebook vanishes,
If Google goes away,
If the AIM man went a running,
If Yahoo went out to play?
What happens if all viruses
Were Just colds, or aches and flus?
Or if everyone who tweeted,
All share the exact same views?
What happens if suddenly,
All laptops start to freeze,
If all MACs had a heart attack,
If all PC hard drives seize?
What happens if forever,
Explorer vanishes from sight.
If Mozilla just stops working,
And Safari gives up the fight.
If your email no longer delivers,
If the fax no longer rings,
If your Wii can not be charged,
If your ipod no longer sings?
Do you think that dawn would come again,
Or that we could still survive?
If our virtual world came crashing down.
Would we all still be alive?
My wedding march if I ever get married again
So, over 7 million people watched this wedding march for a few simple reasons: 1) it made you laugh 2) it made you cry 3) we are all jealous 4) if you have a big wedding party, learn how to not bore your whole congregation to tears. Too bad everyone doesn’t send them a dollar as wedding gift. Hell 50 cents would do!
fear, no TERROR of flying
So, as many of you know, I am TERRIFIED to fly. I haven’t always been this way but perhaps it’s because I’m a single mother…I worry about Bella if something happened to me. Not that she doesn’t have a dad, grandma and aunties. Well, maybe that’s WHY I’m worried. Or maybe its because there’s been no less than 6 major crashes, YES SIX, this year. The most recent 3 unresolved.
At any rate, my anxiety is so high, that it starts the night before with thoughts like, “maybe this time is the last time I am going to be sleeping in my bed” and “I really should have a will” (Not like there’s $ millions to inherit or anything). So many of my friends have suggested multiple types of tranquilizers but that just doesn’t work for me ’cause if there IS an emergency, I want to be able to move leave my seat and slide down the escape hatch (should there be that chance). And, of course, there is the fact that most of the times I travel on business, so a little tiny blue pill might just affect my abilities. Or maybe not.
Anyway, I made it to Chicago, again, and after kissing the ground, had a fairly productive day, if you include the fact that I found Millennium Park, right outside my hotel! With pretty amazing things like, the BEAN. Here it is:
and here
And here’s me…I am on the right. Mind you these are all just REFLECTIONS. An optical illusion.
There’s also this amazing fountain, with film imagery projected on the screen.
But, back to flying. So Tuesday I had to FLY back home so I called my mom and told her I’d call as soon as I landed in order to convince myself that I WOULD be landing. But first, I found the first honest cab company in the world which has this sign about their Kiosks in the airport. And I thought here’s advertising at it’s finest hour. (NOTE THE MALFUNCTION COMMENT!)
So we take off and as soon as legal, I plug my earphones in and start listening to In the Arms of an Angel. Not good. And then I start counting…only 90 minutes until touch down, 60, 45. Yes, I know you are thinking that I seriously need serious drugs. Believe it or not, Manhattan is soonwithin view and I’m like I’m ALMOST down. But then, the unthinkable happens and we hit turbulence. Not too bad, mind you, but to me it’s like, “We’re going into the Hudson (but it’s really the East River) and I’m wishing Sully was flying the plane, but we’re really OK and I open my eyes and see that the flight attendants are still walking around calmly as though it’s a yacht we’re on in the glassy bay, not 15,000 feet up in some bumpy clouds and I see something really quite beautiful. So I illegal whip out the only camera I have (my BB) and take this:
But moments later, I see something infinitely more beautiful which is this:
And I thank the Lord and God Bless America for La Guardia runways. Now, on to Bella.
What’s up with Google’s pic?
Harry Potter Day?
The lucky Kenneth Cole sandal. Just my luck.
So last week I was walking down 5th Avenue and saw this large crowd going into Kenneth Cole, and I’m thinking, “what are they giving away some wine or something?”. I go in and they are serving wine, and everything today is 30% OFF. Today only. So am I LUCKY or what?
I go in under the pretense of checking it all out, (I really just wanted a glass of chardonnay) but after a glass, things started looking really cheap. So I start trying on shoes and find a pair I really LOVE (and I NEVER buy trendy things ’cause I keep them forever and ever–just ask my mother).
And the sales person encouragingly tells me how hot they look on my foot and today they are only $70 and tomorrow they are going back up to $100 and I think “what a goddamn bargain” I better buy now. But that little voice inside me, the one I hate, says to put it back and save the cash. Which I do, and I leave the store wistfully thinking of these really cute LOW gladiator sandals.
I begin to look at every store I pass for a reasonably cheaper facsimile of these shoes, but i just can’t get Kenneth out of my brain. And so on Saturday I go on KC’s website and low and behold, THERE THEY ARE for $49.95 plus free shipping. And I’m like SOOO lucky!
They came last night and I tried them on and I’m feeling that I’ve died and gone to heaven. Just before I went to bed, I tried them on one more time, just to make sure, ya know? And, I am happy, sweet dreams for Lara tonight. But then, I go to unzip the back and this is what happens.
Now you could say that I’ve not only gained weight in my arse, but most likely my heel as well, but the bigger dilemma is HOW THE HELL DO I GET THIS SHOE OFF MY FOOT? And I figure I am just going to have to sleep in the Goddamn Kenneth’s. And I’m like, “you’ve friggin’ got to be kidding me!” It’s not like there are 24 hour emergency shoe repair guys, are there? Or do I just call the 24 hour lock smith, pay him $50 bucks to get me out. So after 1/2 hour of sweating and swearing, I got it off. But of course I CAN’T keep them so I’m not sure if I should be depressed about that, or just get another pair.
What a roller coaster of a day. And I thought it was bad that my internet, telephone and TV are out, thanks to Time Warner Cable. And for this I pay $200 a month? So, feeling very depressed about the shoes, I call the cable company to yell at them one more time and guess what? They lower my package by $75. For a full year. And then, who knows? But at least I’ll be able to find a better gladiator with the savings, right?
Later skater.
Negotiation
Ok, I admit it. I am a media sales person. And I also admit, the worst part? Negotiation. So FINALLY, a perfect film, of the if, ands, whys and why nots of selling, so perfect I had to post it.
Jon & Kate Divorce and 9 other reasons I am glad it’s Tuesday
Random thoughts for the day:
1) Thank the Lord almighty that Kate and Jon are finally friggin’ getting divorced. I am SICK of their whining. It’s worse than mine.
2) Ok, so she thwacked her kid on the bottom. She’s got 8, the kid was blowing a whistle and wouldn’t stop and NOW, she’s doing it alone. Was it child abuse? I got spanked a plenty and I think I’m OK (maybe not) and frankly, please tell me when time out works except on Nanny 911?
3) So today I left one bag of groceries in the food store, went back for it a 10PM tonight and crossing the street at 31st and 3rd, some asshole drunkard threw a bottle of water out his truck window at me and this other chick next to me and soaked us both. Jeez Louise. It’s not like the Mets won or anything.
4) Bella is sick AGAIN, or still after 3 weeks of ear infection, sinus infection and now… now that I am on vacation for a week, 102 fever. Nice.
5) Thank GOD Weather.com was wrong and it didn’t THUNDER STORM today. I sat outside in between the scatter raindrops.
6) But twitter it did. Is anyone else confused by the need to tweet?
7) Why in God’s name would anyone want to get married in a weightless situation? I mean, think of the vomit all down her dress? And I thought cake was bad.
8) Thursday was my birthday. As a resolution I am trying not to curse. I heard our waitress say it and it really sounded crass. But, then again, does everyone look so shitty when blowing out candles? I can say that, can’t I?
9) I joined another dating service. Here are my choices. Why do i bother? Oh yeah, I know what you’re going to say, “hey Lara, have you looked at YOURSELF lately??”
10) And mostly, the main reason I’m glad it’s Tuesday? So I don’t have to repeat Monday again. THAT’S why I’m glad it’s Tuesday.