Stopped feeling sorry for myself
But still sadly virtually socializing away. Found this. Laughed. Then cried cause I’m still on the God Damn computer.
Auto Tuning from Casey Donahue on Vimeo.
It’s Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody…
Oh, I could lie about this whole thing and say that my boyfriend is out of town, but um, well that would be a lie and why lie to the internet? Not the same kind of joy as lying to your MOTHER about being a virgin, right? But anyway, since even Chloe didn’t want to be dragged along, I went out by meself, downed a Third Avenue Special Shrimp Tempura Wrapped in Spicy Tuna Roll and topped it off with coffee yogurt and coco chips from Berrywild, all the while checking my Blackberry like I was waiting for some important call. But since I was wearing sweats and an old baseball cap, I figured most people knew it was just a ruse and I was really, truly exactly what I appeared to be…alone at a sushi bar on Saturday night.
To top off the excitement, I went to the Korean deli next store to pick up a paper and found lots of other sad sacks and I figured, well, at least I’m not doing an entire food shopping at a Korean deli on Saturday night like this guy was.
Anyway, I’m just here cause my boyfriend is out of town.
ALWAYS REMEMBER
I wrote this last year, but being out of creative juices, feel it’s just as applicable today as it was then, even if the only other person in my office now that I am self employed is a fuzzy black toy poodle
We always must remember,
Must never forget,
The day 2976 died,
By the fires of jets.
Today was different,
Then most other years,
Today only families,
Shed their tears.
My office was busy,
No one spoke of the day.
It was business as usual,
People went on their way.
No silence was observed,
As the names were read,
The TV chattered to an empty room,
About our dead.
Did we really forget,
On this warm September night,
The thing that happened,
That caused us to fight?
It seemed that way,
And it shouldn’t be,
That around me NY,
Went on…quite merrily.
So I devote this post,
To all that perished,
Please know that forever,
Your memories are cherished.
And I guess that’s what makes,
New York go round,
That even when weeping,
You don’t hear the sound.
Because it’s still there,
That hole in the ground.
Where towers once blazed,
No peace will be found.
Mudda fu&ka street signs: caught on Blackberry
I’ve been there. You’ve been there. But somehow, catching it on camera, it’s a little less painful…for me, that is. 
We know what the sign says…it might be telling us not to park here, but then again, maybe not. So PLUEEZE officer (s) cut the lady a break! “No can do, ma’am. We’re in a recession. Why do you think those signs are so confusing?”
It’s Chloe the Sailor Dog
If I can’t find a mate, than at least I have a matey. Yes, I know it’s the canine type, but not a word of complaint. Not a word.
And her hair…doesn’t get one knot.
Mother daughter talk…in reverse
So, in an effort to catch me at my own game, Bella my forever teenager (please tell me 21 is around the corner because I just don’t know HOW I am going to survive 16), figures out she is going to get me to spill the beans on my romantic life. But believe me Bella if there was one, YOU would be the first to know. This is my clever way of turning conversation back on her, and thus ensuring her virginity until she’s 35.
BELLA: so mom, I know you have a secret boyfriend.
ME: I do not. Why in gods name would I HIDE a boyfriend from you?
BELLA: It’s more fun that way.
ME: No, it’s just immature.
BELLA: A lot of people I know have secret boyfriends.
ME: Well, I can understand if you don’t want to tell your girlfriends and everything and have them bugging you about personal stuff.
BELLA: No, it’s not that, it’s just more…
ME: When you’re an adult, the only reason you keep your boyfriends secret is if you are having an affair or you are cheating on someone.
BELLA: Well why didn’t SOBVULTURE want to tell anyone?
ME: Because he really liked you and you didn’t like him. Maybe he thought you didn’t want anyone to know.
BELLA: I know you think he liked me.
ME: He also wanted to have sex with you.
BELLA: MOMMMM!
ME: What?
BELLA: It sounds so animalistic when you say it that way!
ME: What do you want me to say, “make love?
BELLA: No that sounds like we’re married.
ME: Vodiododo? Horizontal Cha cha? What?
BELLA: Mooommm. You make him sound like an animal.
ME: All boys are animals.
BELLA: Like a pig or something.
ME: That’s exactly what SOBVULTURE is. A pig. All boys are! Never forget that.
Ok, I know you are all thinking I need some heavy duty help. For surely, anyone who is having this conversation with their daughter, needs something very, very, very strong. Especially since my advice might sound a tad too um, severe, nasty, mean, scary. But really, I can’t keep her locked in her bedroom forever (well, Facebook already does that), but for the few times she ventures out…I just want to put the fear of God in her. Think it’s working? (BTW, that sow looks pretty happy to me.)
Vacation weight: last day, Part 6
All good things must inevitably come to an end…even vacations. And, so of course, did mine, with a thump and a bang and the arrival of David or Danny or whatever that last hurricane’s name was because August 29th is so long ago it seems like a lifetime. But with this as my parting breakfast view, 
I’m really not so sad because if the weather was good, well then, I’d really have been depressed about leaving. And so I hop in the Lincoln and drive the 160 miles home which should have taken 3 1/2 hours but took 4 1/2 because 138 isn’t paved for at least 5 miles, and with the shocks on this car (which is 18 years old, don’t ask), I really didn’t want to have another $1800 replacement– yes that’s what they cost on a Lincoln from the 20th Century. But alas, I ramble.
And I get home, terrified of the scale so I don’t step on it for a day or two (at least until I figure I stop eating like the hoggette I described in the last post). So Monday comes, and oh my God, I have only gained a pound! And I’m like freaking out and celebrating and think that Mother Nature has given me a new found metabolism so I can continue eating the way I did last week (with the slight memory lapse that not once did I spend the day in front of a laptop because it was spent walking around exploring mansions and downtown Newport. Well, what a shocker then when this morning Mr. Scale revealed a TWO pound weight gain, and I’m like OH MY GOD, WTF? So I decide that I’d best get my New Balances on, get the ipod and do a quick run around Gramercy and I am so stressed out from my new job as CEO, that it doesn’t really take very long to go about 2 miles (even with the two stops to check that friggin’ buzzin’ Blackberry). But anyway, I feel pretty proud about getting back on track, so I scroll to my “WALKING TRACK” which is a bunch of calm, pretty music that every one who is 16 hates. I start my path back to East 31st, via 3rd Avenue, and I notice with amazement, a NEW yogurt place. 
And I’m like, I’ve never seen this one before, might as well have a little taste, not many calories in a little taste. So I go in as though I’m going to order it if I like it (which I do) but than I innocently ask whether “plain” is the only flavor, (which I can clearly see IS, and it’s good, but hell I will not afford the calories) and they say yes, and I’m like “well, it’s a little too sour for me” and I nonchalantly stroll out. Then, not 4 blocks away comes ANOTHER surprise
and I’m like are YOU kidding me? How the hell are all these yogurt places going to survive? I’d better go check it out and see whether it has the gumption to outlive Yogurberry and doing my service to all the frozen Yogurts of NYC I go in and ask for a sample…just to make sure. And it’s even creamier and tastier than the previous one and I’m like, “I’ll have to come back with my daughter later. She’ll be pissed at me if I get this without her.” And I stroll out again, with the server nodding and smiling (while secretly throwing invisible darts at my back) and I don’t really feel guilty, because after all, I have TWO pounds to lose just to get back to my post vacation weight. And then I’m almost home and see the all too familiar
and I figure that if I am a true aficionado, in order to serve my readers, I’d best do a taste test of Berrywild, just so this post has SOME value. And I do. And the Mocha is fabulous (even if it is just a sample) and I tell them I’ll come back after dinner, (don’t want to spoil my appetite) and they nod and smile and give me the frequent Berry Card. A run, a snack, a free lo cal snack AND a frequent Berry Card. I’m feeling pretty good. So good in fact, that I brought Bella back to use that frequent Berry card. So I could just have a taste of hers. Just a little taste.