March 2nd

The Bachelor addiction, Pt II: What else is new?

You can not tell me you were surprised last night.    The bitchy girl gets the guy.  I mean, did we really have to sit through, what, like 8 weeks of this torture to know, that in the end, nice girls finish last?  The rules?  The RULES?  Here are my rules to get your man:

10) Get a boob job.  Pay for it with your ex-husband’s money.  That you took from your joint savings account.
9) Do not, I repeat, do not get along with any women.  Not ever.  EVER.  Did I say EVER?
8) If you aren’t a natural, dye your hair blond.  (and other areas too)
7) Grow your hair long.
6) Schmear mud over your man.  As soon as you possibly can, while at the same time making sure that you schmear mud over your body in strategic places BEFORE  you have sex.
5) Have sex on the first date.  Have sex when ever and where ever you can.  In as many places as you can.  (Or just act like you will once the ring is on your finger)
4) Act like he is the only thing important to you in your life.
3) Bat your eyelashes
2) Give him extravagant gifts—not home made picture frames.
And the most important rule of all?
1) Do not, under any circumstances, get along with his mother.

That being said, I knew he had picked what’s her name because I read it in OK magazine 3 weeks ago.

 
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February 24th

Why I want to work at Twitter

A great environment

1) It’s very open

2) has tones of windows

3 and beyond) workspaces, whiteboards-a-plenty, and just the right amount of meeting space. We provide the best equipment money can buy, offer free breakfast and lunch, and a fully-stocked kitchen where we compost and recycle.

I must, must, MUST get a job there.  I can’t compost in Manhattan and I’ve been looking for a reason to move.

 
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February 24th

Rainy days and Tuesdays…

Far away, it was adorable.

Closer, priceless.  From up there, ain’t nothing wrong with a little rain.

 
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February 9th

French fries and snow…just go with me here

 

So, tonight I go into the local restaurant and I sit by my solitary, drinking my glass of sparkling Shiraz (delish) and veggie burger salad very proud and all that despite the fact I am still busting out of my jeans from this weekend’s gluttony. (yeah, yeah, I know, Spark People and all that, but whatever) and I notice that right next to me is this girl with a ginormous plate of fries and she is NOT eating them. And I’m all, “so impressed that you are not eating your fries.” And we both agree that with the on-coming Nor’ Easter, that we should sure as shit eat those fries because we need a top blubber layer to protect us from the cold. And then I’m like, “can you believe they canceled school already? Like the snow MAY or MAY NOT come, but in my day, we didn’t find out about it until we were actually 1 foot under.” And she’s like YEAH. And I say, and also, we never got one full week off for President’s Day. What’s with that? And, a week off for exams? Like when do these kids ever GO to school? No wonder everyone is bored and getting high. And she’s like, “yeah, ME NEITHER! Want my fries? And I’m like, “thanks, but I’m on a diet”. And she’s like, “me too”. So the waiter comes and takes the fries, all brown and crisp and removes them to somewhere else and I walk out wondering if I have enough blubber to protect me against the snow that’s starting to fall.

Make sense, or is it just the Shiraz?

 
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January 30th

Easy ways to lose weight…until you read the fine print

So, I thought I’d repost this ’cause actually it sounds kinda easy, but then again…

1. Fidget
James Levine, MD, of the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, has spent a decade studying the role that everyday movement,  His discovery: People who tap their feet, prefer standing to sitting, and generally move around a lot burn up to 350 more calories a day than those who sit still. That adds up to nearly 37 pounds a year!  Lara’s Note:  might work, unless you work in cube city and then be prepared to be kicked under the table and out the door. 

2. Keep most meals under 400 calories
Study after study recommends spacing out your meals at regular intervals and keeping them all about the same size. Eating meals at regular intervals has been linked to greater calorie burning after eating, better response to insulin, and lower fasting blood cholesterol levels. When you eat regular meals throughout the day, you’re less likely to become ravenous and overeat.  Lara’s Note:  Um like DUH.  if you keep 3 meals to under 400 calories, than you’re at a 1200 calorie day–optimal to lose weight.  Really easy, until you add the mashed potatoes, glass of wine, a slice of cake.  This is the whole crux of the matter.  If I could keep all meals under 400 calories, now I wouldn’t be reading this article, would I (or you for that matter)

3. Take yourself off cruise control
Increase the intensity of your everyday tasks, from vacuuming to walking the dog, recommends Douglas Brooks, an exercise physiologist and personal trainer in Northern California. “Turn on some music, add in some vigorous bursts, and enjoy the movement,” he says.  Lara’s note:  Ok, I will try to enjoy the vacuuming more.

4. Drink 8 glasses of water per day
Water is not just a thirst quencher–it may speed the body’s metabolism. Researchers in Germany found that drinking two 8-ounce glasses of cold water increased their subjects’ metabolic rate by 30%, and the effect persisted for 90 minutes. One-third of the boost came from the body’s efforts to warm the water, but the rest was due to the work the body did to absorb it. “When drinking water, no calories are ingested but calories are used, unlike when drinking sodas, where additional calories are ingested and possibly stored,” explains the lead researcher, Michael Boschmann, MD, of University Medicine Berlin.  Lara’s note:  Been there done that.  Been to bathroom double time.  Burnt more calories walking to the bathroom.  Annoyed the piss out of office mates ’cause I used up the toilet paper.  Woke up 3 times a night to pee.  Husband pissed off.  (Ooops, I don’t have a husband).  Woke up irritated and annoyed because of all the peeing.  Pissed off Bella.  But very healthy kidneys. 

5. Step it up–and down
Climbing stairs is a great leg strengthener, because you’re lifting your body weight against gravity. In addition to taking the stairs at every opportunity, try stepping up and down on the curb while you’re waiting for the bus or filling your gas tank, says Brooks.  Lara’s Note:  Unless you live in an apartment building in Manhattan with elevator.  On 19th floor.  Hmmm.  I guess that would work.

6. Use grocery bags as dumbbells
Letting someone else load your groceries or carry your suitcase is an opportunity missed for strengthening and calorie burning, says certified coach Beth Rothenberg, who teaches a class for fitness professionals at UCLA. “Carry your groceries, balanced with a bag in each hand, even if you have to make several trips,” she says. “And pack two smaller suitcases instead of one big one, so you can carry them yourself.”  Lara’s note:  Unless you order in all the time.  This could be a hard one.

7. Eat 4 g of fiber at every meal
A high-fiber diet can lower your caloric intake without making you feel deprived. In a Tufts University study, women who ate 13 g of fiber or less per day were five times as likely to be overweight as those who ate more fiber. Experts see a number of mechanisms through which fiber promotes weight loss: It may slow down eating because it requires more chewing, speed the passage of food through the digestive tract, and boost satiety hormones. To get 25 g of fiber a day, make sure you eat six meals or snacks, each of which contains about 4 g of fiber. For to-go snacks, buy fruit; it’s handier than vegetables, so it’s an easy way to up your fiber intake. One large apple has just as much fiber (5 g) as a cup of raw broccoli.  Lara’s Note:  See bathroom basics discussed in “drink 8 glasses of water”.

Sorry folks, it may sound easy…but it’s not.  Otherwise, there’d be no Weight Watchers, no Jenny Craig and no Nutri-Systems.  And basically, we’d all fit into our jeans.  But then again, who knows?

 
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January 17th

Daddy’s Birthday

Today would have been my dad’s birthday if he hadn’t passed away in June 2003.  I found this poem I wrote days after his death, and even now, 6 years later– the emotions and pain, though faded, are still under neath the surface.  Who ever said time heals all really meant time hides all.  So, here is this ode, to my very special dad:

Sometimes I think about you and I can’t cry at all,
but it feels so much better when I can.
I look out at the city and see the lights blinking,
and thing about all you are missing.
But wonder if you are missing anything at all.
A part of me is so very angry daddy,
That you did not go and get help when your body cried out for it.
But did you know that at all?
I miss you terribly and here I sit using YOUR pen,
Remembering you telling us with laughter,
that you had to order 500 of them.
They are still here, but you are not.
And the tears choke me, but for now,
Only my nose drips.
Do you know, can you see?  I still can’t believe.
I feel you so close–like it is only a matter of time,
You will come walking through the door,
Again. Home.
It’s hard for me to think of you,
not as you,
but as a spirit (or whatever) on the other ide.
I want to hear your voice again,
To hug you and touch and talk to you.
Where are youd addy?
I miss you so.
And now my tears flow.
And I smell that familiar smell of a stuffed nose.
I hate asking you all the time,
For some kind of sign,
What makes you sometimes show me,
Things you don’t tell me.
I do need you now and always will forever.
Are you still the same gentle soul,
Who couldn’t believe the clock was ticking?
Daddy where are you?
It isn’t fair to leave me guessing.
The truth is somewhere at my fingertips.
But not quite within my reach.
And not for you to teach or to preach.
But for me to one day,
find my way.
And settle it all inside.
What God tries to hide.
Will I know.
Do I know?
What can I know with you no longer at my side.
Maybe the answer lies within.
Right?  Within us all
There is a soul.
That does go on.
From dusk till dawn.
Despite the body’s attempt to flee
You’ll always be.
You and me. Always me.
But that doesn’t take away,
The pain I feel everyday.
Not knowing, only guessing.
Not hearing or seeing you.
Only strong memories and dreams of you.
And what happened to those visits you promised?
Or was I mistaken?
They were only the briefest of fleeting gifts.
Well you better make your presence known soon.
Before mommy runs screaming from the room.
In her gloom.
And doesn’t feel you were ever here.
Or is that what it all is?
Life is but a dream?
Let us scream.
Right–Move on.
Go on.
Stop the grieving.
Just on on believing.
That we are one and one for all.
To understand is the start of the fall.
I cried me a puddle, a river, a lake.
I am so glad, I never saw you quake.
But that deson’t change me wanting to ask,
Why the hell don’t you come BACK?

 
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January 9th

Lara’s Lazy Low Calorie Chicken: Recipe #4

I entered this recipe in Denny Mike’s Cue Stuff which is friggin AWESOME and I might win some sauce, so let’s see what you think:(P.S. Forgot to add the raisins to this planner, so make sure you do!)

 
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