The Bachelor addiction, Pt II: What else is new?
You can not tell me you were surprised last night. The bitchy girl gets the guy. I mean, did we really have to sit through, what, like 8 weeks of this torture to know, that in the end, nice girls finish last? The rules? The RULES? Here are my rules to get your man:
10) Get a boob job. Pay for it with your ex-husband’s money. That you took from your joint savings account.
9) Do not, I repeat, do not get along with any women. Not ever. EVER. Did I say EVER?
8) If you aren’t a natural, dye your hair blond. (and other areas too)
7) Grow your hair long.
6) Schmear mud over your man. As soon as you possibly can, while at the same time making sure that you schmear mud over your body in strategic places BEFORE you have sex.
5) Have sex on the first date. Have sex when ever and where ever you can. In as many places as you can. (Or just act like you will once the ring is on your finger)
4) Act like he is the only thing important to you in your life.
3) Bat your eyelashes
2) Give him extravagant gifts—not home made picture frames.
And the most important rule of all?
1) Do not, under any circumstances, get along with his mother.
That being said, I knew he had picked what’s her name because I read it in OK magazine 3 weeks ago.