Happy Father’s Day Dear Daddy
Happy Father’s Day Dear Dad,
you are never far from my thoughts,
I hope all is wonderful and happy where you are
And you are having a nice laugh with all our shenanigans.
We love you.
We miss you.
My dearest dad.
Love,
Lara
Halfway there and Memorial Day memories, 2010
And suddenly I find myself in that weird age group called middle aged. Somewhere between this:
and this:
I still more or less feel like this:
So when that AARP thing came in the mail box I’m, “like who the fuck you mailing to, ME?? I don’t think so.” But I particularly got to thinking this weekend (about age and such) when I should have been thinking things Memorial (which I did).
That being said, I tried to have a minute of peace without dogs, or daughters, up at the Doral Arrowwood only to be interrupted by planes (every 15 minutes), trains (joking) and fire alarms (yes at 1 in the AM I was standing in my sleeping jersey , a sweat shirt and shorts with ex-Yankee baseball player, Paul O’Neill- And I hate Yankees) because someone was smoking in a non-smoking room (so because of that I got $25 off my next stay, would you go?) At last today, I’m getting 5 minutes of peace and quiet at the pool and this lady who is in her golden years starts talking about her doctor’s appointments and her ailments and then starts burping and she says, “I hope its not my pancreas.” And am like “give me the headsets to drown out the noise of Westchester.” And after a moment I think, “I hope its not her pancreas either.”
Lara’s Love Life: Part I don’t know what –I found him…or so I thought
So, things haven’t been so friggin’ bad for a struggling startup CEO. I’ve been happy for a change. But busy. Too busy to write, to post, and dear internet I’ve MISSED you! but then again… it’s not like I’m off line or anything, but alas, I digress.
So, in all our expansive expansion, we are moving into a REAL office– not just the fake, Micro Office setup which isn’t bad. To start off. But, we’re moving across the street and upon my exam of the new space I saw him coming out of the elevator. He smiled. I turned to my partner and said, “we are taking the space.” Now of course I LOOKED at it too, and it was perfect. More or less for Manhattan, but anyhoo… Two days later, I see him in my favorite organic coffee shop and I’m like, “this is FRIGGIN’ Kismet.” So, overhearing his conversation about websites, I go over and PRETEND I need his services, and I get his number and I pretend I don’t know that he works in the building I am moving into, and lo and behold I find out who he uses for sanitation and all those sundry office expenses that you can’t possibly image exist– like INSURANCE, blah, blah, blah. AND it turns out he has office space for rent and is all pissed off that the super didn’t tell me about HIS space and I’m like all, “hey, I just signed my lease, but I have 2 days to reneg, so let me take a look at yours (and I’ll show you mine- hehe), but anyway, we plan to meet the next day at his office. And, hey, don’t get me wrong I NEVER know when someone is interested, but his EYES DID light up the next day when I showed up. And I’m like, Kismet.
Thus, when one week later, I chose to email him to grab a bite for lunch (business yabber and all that) and he said sure, when? I assumed, and you know what that means, that perhaps he too felt the kismet of our meeting.
So today, we meet in his rainy (soon to be my) lobby and he walks very fast to the restaurant, I’m like “he is NOT interested.” But over Cobb salads we bond about movies and databases, and I’m like yes. YES. I found him. He likes Quentin Tarantino and god, a whole bunch of others, and the glimmer is DEFINITELY in his eyes. And then the check comes. And he’s “let’s split it.” and I’m like, “he’s NOT interested, but then again, maybe taking his time.” So I give him cash and he puts down his card and takes my cash. But when he’s figuring out the tip he figures out the cents so it’s exactly $40. I’d I sigh and think “he’s cheap”, but maybe just OCD about a rounded number. And we talk again about real estate and then he drops the F- bomb about his F-iance. And I’m like “oh SHIITE.” Of course. but then he’s trashing her to me about the bad driving and now he wants to dump the 1980 Manual BMW because not only is she a bad driver, but add to that manual and Manhattan and what a friggin’ bad mashup that’s goin’ be.
And I’m like “so when are you getting married?” and he’s like well, we just moved in together, so we wanted to see how that went…no date set yet.”
So, I figured that the way married/taken guys flirt is to somehow bash their GF/Wives to the OTHER woman–in a subtle but still not so nice way. At any rate. I didn’t find him. Or did I?
So after the last nasty comment…
I stopped posting. NOT. I have just been so busy in my new life as a C fucking EO that I haven’t had the time. But I am on a new DIET. Did I say diet? And I am posting my weight loss sojourn on a new blog– called: I Eat Too Much. But, instead of posting all over the place, I am REBLOGGING. Is there a term like that? So here it is: Day I: The Only Natural Food Diet. Oh, I am SOO motivated: And while you’re at it, check my newest site: ONLY NATURAL FOOD dot COM
Total Calories: 1,325 Carbs: 78g Fat: 47g Protein: 124 Oh yeah, plus one teaspoon (heaping) of Swiss Dark Fudge—50 Calories. I couldn’t resist.
Top ten lies you told you kids…top ten lies I tell mine
So, I found this list today on Parent Dish which was kind of funny:
1. I always paid attention in school.
2. There’s no such thing as a favorite child. All of you are my favorites.
3. Sorry, the playground is closed today.
4. Cuddles the Hamster went to live on a nice farm. Yes, the same one where your goldfish went.
5. I have Santa Claus’s cell phone number on speed dial. Do you want me to tell him how you’re acting?
6. Whoops, the KidzBop CD is in Dad’s car and he already left for work.
7. “SpongeBob” isn’t on this week. And the DVD player is broken. And the cable is out.
8. Of course I wore to work today the macaroni necklace and bracelet you made me.
9. Daddy is allergic to cats/dogs/birds/reptiles.
10. I never took drugs
And here’s mine:
1) I always listened to my parents, YES ALWAYS.
2) I never got drunk–are you kidding? (I still never do–well, maybe a buzz)
3) Of course my room was clean. ALWAYS.
4) I cleaned the bathroom including the toilet every other week. (Ooopps, that’s actually TRUE)
5) Yes, I FED AND WALKED THE DOG–every day, God Damn it.
6) I cleaned my room everyday.
7) I always helped my parents…without being asked. I JUST KNEW!
8) We didn’t have computers, VCR’s, DVD’s, ipods, cellphones, iphones, or MTV. And we WERE smarter. (Ooopps that’s true too)
9) I only had sex one time. When I was 29. With your father.
10) Of COURSE you were planned!
There ya have it folks. What are yours?
The Bachelor addiction, Pt II: What else is new?
You can not tell me you were surprised last night. The bitchy girl gets the guy. I mean, did we really have to sit through, what, like 8 weeks of this torture to know, that in the end, nice girls finish last? The rules? The RULES? Here are my rules to get your man:
10) Get a boob job. Pay for it with your ex-husband’s money. That you took from your joint savings account.
9) Do not, I repeat, do not get along with any women. Not ever. EVER. Did I say EVER?
8) If you aren’t a natural, dye your hair blond. (and other areas too)
7) Grow your hair long.
6) Schmear mud over your man. As soon as you possibly can, while at the same time making sure that you schmear mud over your body in strategic places BEFORE you have sex.
5) Have sex on the first date. Have sex when ever and where ever you can. In as many places as you can. (Or just act like you will once the ring is on your finger)
4) Act like he is the only thing important to you in your life.
3) Bat your eyelashes
2) Give him extravagant gifts—not home made picture frames.
And the most important rule of all?
1) Do not, under any circumstances, get along with his mother.
That being said, I knew he had picked what’s her name because I read it in OK magazine 3 weeks ago.
Why I want to work at Twitter
A great environment
1) It’s very open
2) has tones of windows
3 and beyond) workspaces, whiteboards-a-plenty, and just the right amount of meeting space. We provide the best equipment money can buy, offer free breakfast and lunch, and a fully-stocked kitchen where we compost and recycle.
I must, must, MUST get a job there. I can’t compost in Manhattan and I’ve been looking for a reason to move.