Help. Save me. I am a Bachelorholic.
Please. Someone. Save me from tonight. I can’t stop it. I hate him. Hate Jason. But even more, I hate ABC. For playing me. I am sure, sure that this is NOT human drama, but television drama. In disguise of a reality TV Show. A show that portrays the REAL love triangle of Jason, Melissa and Molly. And I watched the finale. Then the rose ceremony. And then? Yes, I did. I tried to stop but I WATCHED JIMMY KIMMEL (who admitted he was Italian and I thought he was a nice Jewish boy.) And there he was again. Arghhhh. Jason. So please, please do something. Get me to stop. I can not watch, AFTER THE ROSE PART II. I may get sick.
Snow? Not so quiet after friggin’ all
So I was all snuggled down in my comfy cosy comforter and, low and behold, I hear the rumble and the grumble of the snow plows. All NIGHT LONG. Stop damn snow. STOP!!!
There is something about a snowstorm
Ok, so as much as I want the spring to come, there is just something quite magical about the snow in New York. Maybe because it’s the only time the rumbling street noises are muffled outside my window, or maybe it’s that no one will show up at work tomorrow so I’ll sneak a snow day (even though I walk to work), or maybe, just maybe, I’m not quite ready to bare my non-bikini clad body out there to the brazen sun. Yeah, maybe all those things. But for now, I’ll just open up the window and smell the cold and snow and pretend I’m in Jackson Hole with a bear rug, fireplace, glass of wine, and that hot hot guy I met on the slopes. Tomorrow? Time enough for reality.
The Magic Tie
I’m sorry…this was so funny it had me laughing out loud. I know. I am a loser.
Living well on less
So today, I was watching a few morning shows, and since each is as equally boring as the next, I landed on CBS’s Early Show when they announced simple ways to save a LOT of money. I mean, who WOULDN’T stop there? And they go on to announce that, yes just as I thought, I was wasting a LOT of money, gobs and gobs infact, by using too much shampoo, toothpaste, conditioner, sunscreen AND moisturizer. Like couldn’t believe that in fact, on an annual basis, I could save at least $250 dollars if I cut my usage of these products in half. Well, that got my brain to thinking, what ELSE could I cut in half? And how much would THAT all amount to? So, I came up with a list, a list I might use to continue to cut and save:
1) Deoderant: I usually do at least 3 swipes under each pit. Cutting down by 60%, well not only would I save at least, what $10 annually, but I figure I’d save at least $500 because I’d no longer be invited to dine, go to parties, or even go to a movie.
2) Light bulbs: I’d live without lights at least half the time, cutting electric bills in half saving not only at LEAST $1000 per year on electric, but $100’s more on anti-wrinkle cream because I’d NO LONGER SEE the wrinkles!
3) Razers: Who needs to shave anyway? Savings: $50 per year. Plus, with all the extra hair on my body I wouldn’t need to buy so many sweaters in winter. Savings = an additional $300
4) Capuccino: No more $4 half caf/half decafs for me. God that’s almost $1000 right there! Plus the bagel add another $450.
5) Happy Hour: $520 per year. OK, but cutting this out, means increasing visits to the shrink which actually cost a lot more than $20 so, ah, this one? Not so good.
6) Lastly, but not leastly, cut back on toilet paper. And with two girls in the family, this is NOT an easy task. We use at least 2-4 rolls a week –at least $200 per year (hey, it’s Manhattan). But the only thing I can’t figure out is, how many squares is the proper usage? 4? 6? 8? Oh hell, I’ll leave the details to you.
WOW! Who knew if you just put your thinking cap on, how much could YOU save?
Bedroom boredom
They say that a little bit of folate and zinc could go a long way to spice up your sex life. Maybe I should try that instead of Jdate? I want to know, will folate and zinc send me The Bachelor? I guess it’s worth a shot. Isn’t it? Duane Reade, here I come.
And the beat goes on
Jennifer Anniston admitted today that she “got a little teary” over finding a long gray hair. I hate to be there when she sees her first wrinkle. Oh wait. She’s already got those. Now, I confess I’m none too happy about my wrinkles, my gray hair, or my fucking cellulite. But I wouldn’t go on National television, with all my $millions, and confess to an unemployed nation that a long gray hair made me teary. Unless of course, I was JUST JOKING. Ya think??
Cheers