Bedroom boredom
They say that a little bit of folate and zinc could go a long way to spice up your sex life. Maybe I should try that instead of Jdate? I want to know, will folate and zinc send me The Bachelor? I guess it’s worth a shot. Isn’t it? Duane Reade, here I come.
And the beat goes on
Jennifer Anniston admitted today that she “got a little teary” over finding a long gray hair. I hate to be there when she sees her first wrinkle. Oh wait. She’s already got those. Now, I confess I’m none too happy about my wrinkles, my gray hair, or my fucking cellulite. But I wouldn’t go on National television, with all my $millions, and confess to an unemployed nation that a long gray hair made me teary. Unless of course, I was JUST JOKING. Ya think??
Cheers
The Week In Review
So, this has been a really strange week in terms of news. Really strange.
First the good news. Obama admitted he made a mistake. Then the bad news. He made a mistake…not two weeks into his presidency. Hmmm. Is this a harbinger of things to come? It’s like with Bella. She admitted she shoplifted. That’s the good thing. But, shoplifting? That’s the bad thing. I’m not exactly sure where this is going, except that I’m pretty sure, it’s a little too soon into the new presidency to be making mistakes, much less admitting to them. Is it me? Anyhow, I still don’t get that nanny tax thing. Does that mean I should have been paying tax on all of Bella’s babysitters? They were illegal for God’s sakes. How could have i? Couldn’t have they gotten deported?
Then, and I really don’t get this, is the Arkansas doctor who’s car was bombed. I mean, what’s THAT all about? Even if I were a Dr. Diamond patient with a Tori Spelling rhinoplasty, I wouldn’t consider bombing. Suing? Maybe. Bombing. No.
Next on the list, the big hoopla about Michael Phelps doing a little tooting on a bong. Get OVER IT people. It’s pot. Not Heroin, Not Cocaine. Pot. Pot. I know all the executives at all his sponsors smoked. I know it ’cause I party with them. But apologies are apparently in vogue right now. So, apologize away.
And last, but not the very least, is Christian Bale’s rant. The excuse is he was doing the biggest EMOTIONAL scene in his new movie, The Terminator Salvation. But, the thing is, I’m really trying to get my brain wrapped around the thought that there IS an emotional scene in The Terminator. Truly sounds like some one’s off his Prosac, Abilify or maybe Concerta. I would really like to know, where the FUCK is the FUCKING DIRECTOR. God fucking Dammit?? Not only Christian’s his mind NOT in the scene. His mind is not on this FUCKING planet. But at least, it makes for a great new dance song.
I repeat. What a WEIRD friggin’ week.
Masturbation leads to prostate cancer
So, me being the consumate blogger, came across this post:
“A recent study will have men shaking in their boxers if they choked the chicken a bit too much in their younger years. Researchers at the University of Nottingham have determined that men who masturbate often in their 20s and 30s are far more prone to developing prostate cancer. The scientists surveyed 800 men and about half of them had suffered from prostate cancer. The same data could be attributed to gentlemen that got their mack on frequently with the ladies, but the higher sexual activity was generally credited the act of self-love. Ironically, men over 40 that jerk-off or shag a lot of babes can reduce the risk of prostate cancer.”
Which had me Google the source of the article on Science Daily. And it did seem to be true. But I also found this article: High Ejaculation may be linked to a decreased risk of prostate cancer but that study was conducted in 2004 and then I realized that it probably depends upon who’s running the country at that time. Either that or masturbation needs to fire their publicity manager and hire a new one to stop all this bad press.
(Thanks illseed for seeding me blog).
Chloe and the cold
Well, would you want to pee in 20 degree weather? All I have to do is take her leash from the hook and…
Chloe: “are you friggin NUTS? Ya can’t get to me here.”
Chloe: “Maybe I was a little too close. I’ll try this spot.”
And, if all else fails…
Chloe: “if I can’t see her…then obviously, she can’t see me.”
Well done, Chloe. She wins…as usual.
Signs your job may be in danger
On Monday, Yahoo published this: FIVE SIGNS YOUR JOB MAY BE IN JEOPARDY. Not incoincidentally, is the fact that the article is on the Hot Jobs site. But I thought they’ve missed a few, rather obvious contenders. So, I’ve listed them here:
1) Your office is moved to the basement.
2) You are asked to pay for pencils, pens, and computer paper.
3) Your email account no longer works.
4) I.T. does not come to fix your email account.
5) You are “unfriended” by all the people you work with.
6) Your boss no longer greets you.
7) You read in the trades that your division will be closing.
8) When you call your clients, they say, “Oh, I heard you were laid off”.
9) You are stopped at the security desk and not allowed back into your office.
And the clearest sign, that you may be laid off,
10) You no longer receive a paycheck.
I hope this clears it all up. And when or if you are one of the unlucky, these sites may help you in your job search:
Monster, Hot Jobs, The New York Times, and The Ladders. Good luck and good…,well, luck.
25 Truths of 2009
Thought it was time to take stock of the New Year, so I did an internal survey and thought I’d share it with you:
1) Google is not always the best way to research the facts or the truth.
2) Puppies and babies are equally adorable and annoying.
3) Loving Care was created for your child’s teenage years. For each one, add 1000 gray hairs.
4) No two people ever see the same event from the identical viewpoint.
5) French fries are best when crisp on the outside.
6) Journalists sometimes lie. And sometimes make mistakes.
7) Award shows will only ever been as interesting as the gowns the actresses wear.
8) Poodles think they own you. And they do.
9) Susan Sarandon is fantastic, but she might consider wearing slightly higher necklines.
10) It is time for more male frontal in R rated movies. Why should men get all the fun?
11) Morning exercise hurts…and works.
12) No one under 30 knows how to write thank you notes…I’m not talking emails. NOTES.
13) Life was much easier without computers.
14) Life was much harder without computers.
15) Leaky faucets waste money.
16) What goes up, must come down. What goes down, must go up. Including real estate, stock markets, and taxes.
17) Money changes everything.
18) The only thing worse than a bad hair day is gaining two pounds after a week of dieting.
19) The best birth control for your daughters is making them watch a live birth on Discovery Health.
20) Sarah Palin is not hot.
21) All Americans want an English accent.
22) Lexipro and Prosac work better than therapy.
23) Doctors and God are not the same.
24) Neither is Barack. Don’t forget this.
25) Not much in life can be much worse than standing on an airplane wing in the middle of a frozen Hudson.