Top ten lies you told you kids…top ten lies I tell mine

So, I found this list today on Parent Dish which was kind of funny:

1. I always paid attention in school.
2. There’s no such thing as a favorite child. All of you are my favorites.
3. Sorry, the playground is closed today.
4. Cuddles the Hamster went to live on a nice farm. Yes, the same one where your goldfish went.
5. I have Santa Claus’s cell phone number on speed dial. Do you want me to tell him how you’re acting?
6. Whoops, the KidzBop CD is in Dad’s car and he already left for work.
7. “SpongeBob” isn’t on this week. And the DVD player is broken. And the cable is out.
8. Of course I wore to work today the macaroni necklace and bracelet you made me.
9. Daddy is allergic to cats/dogs/birds/reptiles.
10. I never took drugs

And here’s mine:

1) I always listened to my parents, YES ALWAYS.
2) I never got drunk–are you kidding? (I still never do–well, maybe a buzz)
3) Of course my room was clean.  ALWAYS.
4) I cleaned the bathroom including the toilet every other week.  (Ooopps, that’s actually TRUE)
5) Yes, I FED AND WALKED THE DOG–every day, God Damn it.
6) I cleaned my room everyday.
7) I always helped my parents…without being asked.  I JUST KNEW!
8) We didn’t have computers, VCR’s, DVD’s, ipods, cellphones, iphones, or MTV.  And we WERE smarter.  (Ooopps that’s true too)
9) I only had sex one time.  When I was 29.  With your father.
10) Of COURSE you were planned!

There ya have it folks.  What are yours?