The Cop & The Cabbie

It’s New York, and at that very moment I caught a glimpse of something so priceless, so delicious, so New York, that I halted my mad dash back to the office where I was about to chow down on a very delicious salad with salmon (freshly chopped and tossed) just to give you, my fans (all 51) , the PERFECT New York moment. There’s no audio…enjoy the improv.

Officer, like I was sayin’ there was this big motha fucka bee that flew into my windshield, and I just didn’t see the light. I’m allergic to them bees, ya know what I’m saying?

So listen buddy, I hear ya. You got a wife at home, she’ll freak if ya get another ticket, but I got my job to think about too. Ya know, this being an election year.

Ya friggin’ kidding me? Ya republican? Or what, you’re wife not giving it to you, right? What’s your name? I want your name! Don’t TOUCH ME.

You want my name? You want my friggin’ name? I’ll give you my name.

Here, here’s my name (handing Cabbie a ticket) and my mutha’s name too!

Ya think I’m goin’ PAY THIS? Is that what you think? I’m not gonna take you’re goddamn ticket. What’s your name? I want your name! (It’s on the ticket). Take ya goddamn ticket back. I’m not gonna take this.

Ya think you know who you’re dealing with, doncha? May the fleas of a thousand dead camels infest one of your errogenous zones! May a surgeon sew up your asshole, while your boat capsizes in the middle of the lake, and your mother attracts attention as she runs up and down the shore, barking.

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!