Hanukahmas, Christmaka….things your minister never told you:

Note from Jews around the world the Christmas celebrating folks around the world:

1) Menorahs are not supposed to be decorated with additional adornments, and although Poinsettas look nice, it’s like hanging the Star of David at the top of the tree.

2) Jews do not, I repeat DO NOT feel badly if the Menorah (in your office building, apartment building, department store, etc) is only up during the eight days of Hanukah. In fact, the Menorah is only supposed to be lit for 8 days, and then put away right after the sunset of the eighth day until the next time Hanukah comes around. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you exactly what date that is because the Jewish calendar always gives us little surprises to keep us on our toes.

3) Most Jews have Christmas tree envy. From the time they are tiny children pressing their pug noses against the Christmas display window of the local store, until they are dead and buried. We don’t have them because we believe that Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ and while we do believe he lived, we don’t believe he was the savior. Unless we marry someone who is not Jewish. Then we suffer with the Jewish Guilt our mother’s gave us when we do have a tree. But, all Jews want to be invited to someone else’s house to celebrate near someone else’s Christmas tree.

4) Hanukah gifts are only supposed to be given to children. In fact, they are only supposed to get Hanukah gelt, which is money. We now go shopping for the 100 top people on our list because, all Jews need to keep up with the Joneses (or Weinsteins) so to speak.

5) Many Jewish parents allow their children to believe in Santa Claus. This is great while it lasts because we get Christmas and Hanukah. It just doesn’t last long enough,

6) The Hanukah bush does exist. I saw one this year. In an Israeli couple’s house. It was blue and white decorated with Star’s of David and tinsel. It looked weird. I don’t recommend it.

7) Please take your decorations down on January 2. It’s depressing after that and wastes lots of energy.