May 20th

Sometimes You Just Step in Shit

For those of you who haven’t been properly trained by your dog, you may not understand the significance of this article, but for the majority of us…

So Chloe, the Warlord, Queen of Dirty Underwear, has been trained, simply for my convenience, to go on wee-wee pads as well as outside. This, while expensive, and not in the least green-worthy, has made my life quite brilliant on Saturdays and Sundays when I can sleep in ’till whatever hour my little heart desires. With the exception of that little problem of her chomping on her poop as a midnight snack, but that aside…Her training is so complete, that, after 4 years, she simply will NOT pee on newspaper (with which I experimented last week in an effort to stop the landfill problem), and found that the poor little pup (10 lbs) would actually hold it in for 12 hours because, I mean, “WHAT THE FUCK IS A NEWSPAPER?” (she wants to know). And, I heard her audible sigh, when the two boxes of pads arrived and I placed them in her usual weeing place.

So, in order to understand the significance of this story, you need to know that Chloe:

1) Doesn’t love to take walks in NYC because there are no squirrels that she can chase and it’s VERY, VERY noisy. So frequently, we end up going on a drag. Well, not a drag exactly. I just give her a short tug on the leash and say, “let’s go Chloe”, which, she usually does. Unless she doesn’t. And then I succumb to the Warlord’s demands and carry her.

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2) Unlike other dogs, she doesn’t sniff, and hunt, and sniff some more to find the perfect bathroom spot. She just stops. Dead. There is no signal at all that: this is IT! This is the PERFECT SPOT. Other times, she will squat, like she is ABOUT to go, and then decide, NOPE THIS JUST ISN’T RIGHT, and continue on, and then not pee until some 4 hours later when she’s back in the house. So, it’s really hard to know, what this dog is telling me. Please don’t tell me she has pee confusion (not to be confused with nipple confusion, which Bella had)– cause I already go to the shrink twice a week and I watch THE DOG WHISPERER and IT’S ME OR THE DOG and let me tell you THEY DON’T work on POODLES. Chloe just is who she is.

3) Chloe never, ever does number two outside, because, well, SHE JUST DOESN’T.

So this morning, I get my sweats on and take Chloe out for a walk, before breakfast, because, I mean, isn’t that what a responsible dog owner Read the rest of this entry »

 
 
April 14th

Puppy Sadism

So, when I’m a little depressed, I go into AKC Kennels and look at the puppies. Which is what I did on Sunday. And I saw this little guy. I had to hold him. He was shaking like a leaf. When I put him down in the “playpen”, he became a wind up toy. As soon as he heard the shop guys voice, he started to tremble again. It broke my heart to leave him :(. But I knew Chloe would eat him alive. ) And I think I’d go a little nuts (and a LOT broke at $2200–are they KIDDING???) with TWO puppers in the house. And so I leave, significantly more depressed than when I started. Puppy sadism.¬† PUPPY VIDEO

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April 9th

How I Get Through My Day…

…my week, my year… my life with a teenager.

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And apparently, dogs have their days too.

I think they call them “Dog Days”

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**Note to Animal Rights Groups Around the World: No dogs drank wine during the shooting of this blog entry.

 
 
March 29th

Enough Said

No, those aren’t a horse’s hoofs. Chloe has finally met her match.

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The look on each dogs’ face says it all. (Yes, the Dane’s head comes nearly to his owner’s shoulder.)

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And I couldn’t resist! (No, Chloe wasn’t in any danger… just my bad photo shop!) Besides, that Dane was so tall, I’m not sure he even saw Chloe! And she? She thought he was a horse. Not to be messed with.

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For more on Chloe, go here 

 
 
February 23rd

New York Style

He may be old, he may be blind, but in New York, it’s just as important to have a tail as it is to have style. (He is trying to quit that nasty tobacco habit).

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February 15th

Chloe: The Warlord

So, as you may know, Chloe thinks she’s the princess, the Godess, the owner of all human. And in doing so, she has many raids on said human’s home. Namely, mine. Namely, the bathroom, where the laundry hamper is and where all those fresh skeens of toilet paper live, in existence, simply for the hunting pleasure, of said Godess, ruler of dirty underwear and toilet paper.

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February 15th

The Queen Needs Her Cookies

And her photos. If the ruler of your house is anything like mine, she demands the best. If you like what you see, check out Lara’s Loot!

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