June 18th

Pole Dancer

So, by accident, YES BY ACCIDENT, I was searching for an image on Google (yegads, it was for a DANCER, ok?) and this was served up. It was so cute, I could resist, and hell, it’s Friday right?

With Love,

Lara.

 
 
May 18th

I could not eat these puppies

No matter how delicious they are.

 
 
January 30th

Chloe and the cold

Well, would you want to pee in 20 degree weather? All I have to do is take her leash from the hook and…

Chloe: “are you friggin NUTS? Ya can’t get to me here.”

Chloe: “Maybe I was a little too close. I’ll try this spot.”

And, if all else fails…

Chloe: “if I can’t see her…then obviously, she can’t see me.”

Well done, Chloe. She wins…as usual.

 
 
January 25th

25 Truths of 2009

Thought it was time to take stock of the New Year, so I did an internal survey and thought I’d share it with you:

1) Google is not always the best way to research the facts or the truth.
2) Puppies and babies are equally adorable and annoying.
3) Loving Care was created for your child’s teenage years. For each one, add 1000 gray hairs.
4) No two people ever see the same event from the identical viewpoint.
5) French fries are best when crisp on the outside.
6) Journalists sometimes lie. And sometimes make mistakes.
7) Award shows will only ever been as interesting as the gowns the actresses wear.
8) Poodles think they own you. And they do.
9) Susan Sarandon is fantastic, but she might consider wearing slightly higher necklines.
10) It is time for more male frontal in R rated movies. Why should men get all the fun?
11) Morning exercise hurts…and works.
12) No one under 30 knows how to write thank you notes…I’m not talking emails. NOTES.
13) Life was much easier without computers.
14) Life was much harder without computers.
15) Leaky faucets waste money.
16) What goes up, must come down. What goes down, must go up. Including real estate, stock markets, and taxes.
17) Money changes everything.
18) The only thing worse than a bad hair day is gaining two pounds after a week of dieting.
19) The best birth control for your daughters is making them watch a live birth on Discovery Health.
20) Sarah Palin is not hot.
21) All Americans want an English accent.
22) Lexipro and Prosac work better than therapy.
23) Doctors and God are not the same.
24) Neither is Barack. Don’t forget this.
25) Not much in life can be much worse than standing on an airplane wing in the middle of a frozen Hudson.

 
 
December 10th

The Sock

We buy them. They are expensive. The washing machine eats them. But we still have lots of socks left. They look like this:

That’s correct. ONE in every color. But there is ONE matching pair left. They look like this:

Sometimes we find the missing sock:

And sometimes…we don’t.

 
 
November 12th

The War of the Poop Worlds

So last night I was walking Chloe, who never really likes to walk, as you have heard about once, or twice or ten times, and there, right in front of our building, I see this 20 something woman pick up her pooch (also a toy poodle) and put him in the fenced off tree to do his business. So I marched over with a proper amount indignence, pulling Chloe behind me, while at that second, her dog takes a poop. “Um, excuse me. They put that fence there so our dogs WOULDN’T crap or pee on the newly planted BUSHES.” “I PICK IT UP,” she says. And besides, I can’t control where my (8 pound) poodle goes.

“Oh REALLY?? That’s why they have LEASHES.” And she very intelligently replies, “That’s YOUR opinion.” Several moments later, I am narrating the story to the doorman and Poodle Pooper lady comes to the very same door! She LIVES with me! “You don’t have to go TELLING everyone!” she says. “I LIVE HERE.”

Yeah, I say. Then you should CURB YOUR DOG. “He’s a country dog and not used to going on the cement,” is her excuse. “Then use WEE WEE pads,” I offer. “I DO,” she says. “Then why are you letting him SHIT ON OUR TREES???”

“Listen,” she threatens. “I live here and pay a lot of rent, so you better watch out”. Oh REALLY? I respond. “Maybe if your dog didn’t CRAP on the trees, they wouldn’t have had to put EXPENSIVE fences around them and your RENT WOULDN’T be so high!!”

Is it me? Or have people just gotten ruder??  (NOTE: No trees, plant or other green leafy things harmed in the writing of this article)

 
 
November 7th

The Tall Tale of the Precision Pooper

So, as you may or may not know, Chloe is a pain in the ass when it comes to potty time. I guess I have to cut her a little slack because my sister and I share custody (long story–but great to have some downtime–like being able to go out at night after work because I don’t have to rush home to the pup). Well, anyhow, so she’s back in the city after a long time in the burbs, and this generally creates poop havoc…that is, she doesn’t– poop, that is. I am guessing, there is a potty adjustment period. But finally, last night, it came. Very, very precisely.

And I just, I just want to KILL HER. But I can’t.

 
 
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