Daughterly Advice: Carbs R Good 4U
Bella: Carbs are good for you.
Me: Oh yeah?
Bella: Yeah, the Glucose creates sugar which gives you energy. I learned it in science.
Me: OK. You know best.
What I Learned in School Today
At Dinner in a Mexicano Restaurante
Bella: So me and a few friends were sitting around talking today, and you wanna hear what the boys said?
Me: Sure.
Bella: Well, they don’t really want to get involved. That’s why they like making out so much. They just want to get in and out, do you know what I mean?
Me: Ah, yeah. I know what you mean.
Bella: So it’s just better to not have any emotions. That way you don’t get hurt.
Me: So why don’t they want to “get involved”?
Bella: Well Preston said it …
The Kiss Part V: Epilogue, at Least I Hope for Now
SETTING: Dinnertime, a week after the big event (Me finding Bella with a boy in her Bedroom).
ME: So what happened?
BELLA: Well, I tried to call him on the phone but he didn’t pick up. So I texted him and told him I was not ready for a relationship
ME: And????
BELLA: He said, “OK.” Why was he so easily convinced?
ME: I don’t know. (cause you gave the milk away for FREE!)
BELLA: Probably because he got what he wanted. Boys are DOGS.
ME: Yes they are. (Men are dogs).
BELLA: I can’t even look at a boy any more without thinking YUCK.
ME: GOOD.
BELLA: Except for …
The Kiss, Part IV: It Happened to ME—Or Was it to HER?
“I only have to worry about two dicks, YOU have to worry about ALL of them”. Matt K. father of twin boys to mother of teenage daughter, Feb 29, 2008
I will not be that dumb mother who, one day finds out that her teenage daughter has been hiding a boy under the bed. Nope, that is not, going to be me, nope never. Remember, I’m the mother of WANTSTOBEKIST, the lip virgin. Bella tells me everything, yes she does, she does indeed.
This morning, the worst thing that could possibly happen to me was that noisy man in the freaking QUIET …
The Kiss Part III: Boredumb
Can you shoot me and put me out of my misery? A real conversation between Bella and me. (Bella, 14, me, much, much younger)
Her: I am really BOOOORED.
Me: Why are you bored?
Her: There’re no boys in my school.
Me: None? Out of 500 boys, there are NONE?
Her: None that I’m interested in except Dumb Boy. Maybe I’ll just go over and kiss him.
Me: That’s great.
Her: I don’t even know if you were a slut in high school.
Me: Ah, thanks. I wasn’t. But I did have a boyfriend when I was fifteen. The problem is, you guys don’t have parties. That’s where …
The Kiss, Part I: The Lip Virgin
The Mother Daughter Talk…Yes, With Bella and Me
So mommy, I know this girl who hooked up with this guy cause she hadn’t ever kissed any body before, so does that make her a slut?
No. So who did you kiss?
Nobody.
Who did you kiss? I can’t believe you had your first kiss and you’re not telling me.(Bella) Cause I didn’ t have my first kiss yet. What does she do if the guy wants to keep kissing her and she doesn’t want to kiss him any more.
Is she gay?
No. She’s not gay at all. She’s …
The Kiss, Part II: Romance is Dead
INTERNET DATING…when you’re 14.
WANTS2BKIST: yo
SOBVULTURE: how are u
WANTS2BKIST: good u
SOBVULTURE: good really stressed
WANTS2BKIST: dido here
SOBVULTURE: cool. so, I wanna kno something. have u hooked up with someone yet? (NOTE HOOKED UP = KISSED)
WANTS2BKIST: nope
WANTS2BKIST: y u ask
SOBVULTURE: to be honest get on that quick
WANTS2BKIST: o thnx 4 ur support, why tho?
SOBVULTURE: u should just find a guy and do it
WANTS2BKIST: like some random dude…dude isnt it just easier 2 lie
SOBVULTURE: well if that pleases u
WANTS2BKIST: wait so y?
SOBVULTURE: I don’t know, dont u wanna feel that sence of nowing what it feels like?
WANTS2BKIST: helz yea!
SOBVULTURE: soo do it with a …