Cell phone ransom: taxi cab holdup
At 8:45 this morning I got the dreaded call from Bella which was, “mom, I took a cab even though you told me not to and it cost $15 and I left my cell phone in the cab…” And I’m like, shit, another 2 years with Verizon just to get her the free phone. So I do what any other self respecting human being does in this case, I call it, and call it and call it. When, at last an hour later, a foreign voice …
Shoot me NOW: The itch redux
So, I really thought, I really really thought, I would get through this Sunday without one glass of wine. In fact, I was actually going to post something political today, like about how friggin’ ridiculous it is that the PRESIDENT of the United States was on the Jay Leno Show…like he’s doing the Reagan thing in reverse. But, no, I am not going to go there. (Don’t blame me I didn’t vote for him…I just didn’t vote) Instead, I am going to go the fact that in …
Boyfriend Advice
So I just might not be the best advice giver to my teenage daughter. But ya can’t say it’s not for trying. Bella has, well, in the olden days you’d say it was a crush, on a boy, (older I might add) who may or may not like her but these days it’s hard to tell because, I’ve been told, teenagers don’t date (which I don’t get) but WHATEVA. And tonight, she was depressed because she can’t tell if he likes her or not. So me, being me, helped her make this list, on a napkin, …
The Hottest Guy
7PM SUNDAY NIGHT: Bella is watching a movie. On her iPod. 1″x1″ screen. (This took 1 hour to download, btw and cost me $4, but she hasn’t complained about her pimples for about 15 minutes, so it’s worth the money).
Bella: He is the hottest guy. EVER.
Me: I understand. I met my man.
Bella: You mean that short Italian guy we met in TJ Max?
Me: Yes.
3PM SUNDAY AFTERNOON: And it wasn’t just his accent. Shopping for a suitcase has never been like …
I am thankful that…
… Ellen Tracy sizes her clothes so that even though I’m a size 10 in most other brands, (which forces me to think about dieting), I can wear a size six in her clothes.
…I don’t have to ever leave Manhattan in order to see natural wonders like Hot Springs or Volcanos.
…I can get a Rhubarb Cobbler Cocktail at 11 Madison Park on Friday night and enjoy an instantaneous, anti-oxidant, attitude adjustment without reaching for Zoloft
…the mirrors in Macy’s are a constant and wonderful reminder of time marching on, …
So What the f*cK are They Teaching in School Today???
AT DINNER FRIDAY NIGHT:
Bella: So in English class today, Dumb Boy said that he saw something on the news like how this guy had an agreement on how he let his wife have sex with other men. And Ms. English Teacher says: “Sure. Agreements happen like that all the time. It’s just sex”. He’s so, like naive.
And I’m like, a glass and a half of Chardonnay later: ” can you PLEASE REPEAT THAT????”
Bella: and I said to the teacher, “yeah, sure that’s true, but where’s your morals?
And I’m like YEAH GO BELLA!!! …
The Cleaning Lady: Part II– But is it Really Clean?
So, my second new cleaning lady actually quit the job before she even started, she said, because she got a full time job. Ok, bravo. Glad we could help you.
So, I have continued to resort to my own special rub and scrub talents, which, while it’s not my favorite way to spend a Saturday after working 50 hour weeks, it’s not the worst either. Call me crazy, but it’s kinda therapeutic. (Alright, maybe I shouldn’t have dumped the shrink but it’s a hell of a lot cheaper. BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO)
So meanwhile, Bella gets asked to clean …