THE talk…with Bella
So tonight we had “the talk” (or a semblance of one or whatever appears to be one in 2009– somewhat different than the ones that I had with my mother in the ’70’s) and here’s how it went.
BELLA: So it’s way more awkward for kids to talk about sex with your parents than the parents feel about talking to kids about sex.
ME: You feel AWKWARD, with ME? Like WHY? I talked about sex with MY mother.
BELLA: You did? Do I want to hear this?
ME: I don’t know do you?
BELLA: I guess.
BELLA: OKAY mom.
ME: …and me and auntie were like, “EEWWWWWW”.
BELLA: Ewwww. Mommmm.
ME: But I know what one looks like now.
BELLA: Mooommmmm. I don’t want to hear anymore.
ME: Listen, you were telling me in 3 grade what oral sex was.
BELLA: So what’s wrong with that? All the little kids know what it is now. It’s OK.
ME: Not really. They are not emotionally ready to hear about it and neither were you.
BELLA: I guess the parents just have to guide their children to make the right choices.
ME: So is that what I did wrong?
BELLA: Um, like when?
ME: Like your whole party incident.
ME: What was that KUI?
ME: Kissing under the influence. Well, I don’t mind the kissing part, but at least do it with a boy you like. Not some experimental thing. Like I am under the influence of this PARTAY so I will just hook up with some guy.
BELLA: Well, it’s not like it’s real sex or anything.
ME: That’s right. And that’s NOT happening until…
ME: You’re married. That’s a perfect age.
BELLA: Do you like my new haircut?
ME: Just STOP flipping it, for God’s sakes.