Spring Has Sprung in the Big Dirty Apple
The sure signs:
1) Squirrels crow: This sassy, evil eyed squirrel, nonchalantly chomps on nuts as Chloe frantically barks through the fence, while catching her nose in the chicken wire. He knows. She is stuck.
2) New Weird Stores Aglow: What the fuck is a Yoqua bar? You do yoga while eating yogurt? NOOOO. You eat Fro ZEN smoothies. So healthy after walking ten blocks in soot polluted air.
3) Flowers grow. Amidst the garbagio.
4) Tires lose air flow. And get flat from hitting all the potholes left by the salt and crap that ruins the streets and leave us with pretty wheels lying in the sidewalks from blowouts.
5) Coppers blow. And give out lots of tickets to the influx of cars who decide to visit on this beautiful spring day in Manhattan.
6) Cherry blossoms flow. Around all the lovely scaffolding.
7) And flow, street signs or no. Email me to win $50 if you can figure out when the HELL you can park here: Laradeans at A.O.L.com. I will buy you a drink.
8) And BRAVO! The ugly face of Rosie O’Donnell has nearly pealed off her construction poster. She may seem nice. But she single handedly was responsible for the downfall of a major magazine publisher that left hundreds unemployed (myself included but who the fuck cares; I loved NOT working for a the first time in my life) BECAUSE she walked out on her magazine when the CEO REFUSED to have Mike the rapist TYSON on the cover of Rosie Magazine (once known as McCall’s, YES the McCall’s your Grandmother read). So thank GOD her face did not weather the NY shitty winter and is nearly gone from the wall in front of my apartment.
9) But sometimes, if you look real hard, there are other signs of spring that show. And it’s not just because, there ain’t no more snow.
Yes, winter now seems a long time ago.