Obama assassination poll
So today, the internet is abuzz with the fact that some dude (or dudette) posted an assassination poll on Facebook. And this guy is just oh so excited that he was the FIRST person to report it to the secret service and so continues to blither on and on about oh how thankful the secret service was that this poll was brought to their attention, folks.
“We worked with Facebook to take it down, and we are currently investigating the matter,” said Ed Donovan, a Secret Service spokesman in Washington.
And then Mr. Gottalaff goes on to say how scary this all is. Scary? Scary. Really. Like no one’s ever posted manical rantings and ravings before? Scary to me, is the US not knowing about the Iranian nucular development. Or what Korea’s up to. Or even where our famous friend, Osama is these days… We’d never even know if he was driving a cab right now. That to me rocks a tad bit more scary than the Facebook poll. But here’s the bigger news. Over 700 people voted. Thousands have reported on this story. And no one has reported the results.
That my friends, is fear.
Hypochondria
So, those of you who know me and love me. Or hate me, also know that I am a level 10 hypocondriate (10 being highest on a scale of 1-10). And no one anywhere can convince me otherwise, because despite all my many hours of shrinkage, and despite all my the sage advise on how to get rid of colds and flus, I am the worst patient. Ever. Which brings me to Bella. She’s been staying at her dad’s house (one of the few times he comes in handy), because, well, she just IS. And now, because it’s that time of year, she’s gotten yet ANOTHER cold. And so, of course, SHE WANTS TO COME HOME. (That coupled with the fact that he’s going out of town tomorrow, spells Trouble with a capital T).
This cold, however, did not stop her from partying all weekend long. Despite my attempts to get her to stay home and rest. So NOW she is really hacking and sneezing away and, on top of that, looks like shit warmed over, so yes, she is really and truly sick because of course Thursday, I have my first really big convention acting as a newly minted CEO. The stakes are high. Therefore, I have condemned Bell to keep to only two areas of our huge 700 square foot apartment–her room, and the bathroom. (Under threat of losing Facebook). To which she agreed. But someone else in our home thought the better of this, and decided, in her way to help with dirty tissue clean up. Anyone want a black poodle?
Another Chloe Story: Sometimes you just step in shit
Read more about Bella
Naturally thin
So, The Learning Annex has this class called: “how to be naturally thin”, but it’s like if I were NATURALLY THIN I wouldn’t have to be on fucking Weight Watchers would I? I mean doesn’t NATURALLY THIN mean that you don’t have to do ANYTHING to be thin because you are NATURALLY thin? Meaning, I wouldn’t have to take a class to learn how to be naturally thin, because it’s natural. Like, if you are a NATURAL BLOND, you don’t have to die your hair. If you have naturally dark skin…guess what, NO TANNING SALONS (which you shouldn’t do ANYWAY, because of skin cancer and all that but you get my drift). If you have naturally plump lips…no Restylane, naturally blue eyes, NO CONTACT LENS…leading me back to my original point, naturally thin…NO LEARNING ANNEX CLASS. However, the lure of Bethanny Frankel RealHousewives of NY star (also Martha Stewart Apprentice runner up) was just too strong for me to deny. And here’s what I found out:
- she teaches you when you are really hungry (um isn’t that what stomach growling is about?) I don’t know about you, but I don’t have any success telling my stomach to shut up.
- Think about food in a positive way (except for mushrooms, I’ve never had that problem)
- Exercise control over your body (um DUH– this isn’t natural, especially when you have a 16 year old daughter who drives you nuts and are a brand new CEO with NO clients AND your 1993 Lincoln needs a $1000 of repairs AND your poodle continues to poop on the rug despite 4 walks a day (it just LOOKS like a wee-wee pad). It’s like REALLY? I’m supposed to control the urge to splurge? Natural my ass.
- Practice what the Italians do “Eat little, but well”– last time I was in Italy, many people were eating well. But little? Not so much.
- Allow yourself to be naturally thin. HUH? Going back to my original point…Natural means you don’t have to do anything because it’s NATURAL. (sorry for all the CAPS but just couldn’t help it tonight)
So, since the course fee is only $44, I’m considering it. A few other choices popped out at me, what do you think?
The time of his life…
So, after watching this non-embeddable YOUTUBE video over and over, the tears streaming down my face, I will say it’s hard to believe that this hunky, talented guy has gone to the here after. It’s unlikely that a sexier, hotter, more memorable dance scene will ever be filmed in my lifetime. And if it does, I do believe it will be Patrick choreographing it from above.
And I am sure, part of the reason I’m still single, is because Johnny Castle never walked into my life. Hell, why should I lower my standards??
Stopped feeling sorry for myself
But still sadly virtually socializing away. Found this. Laughed. Then cried cause I’m still on the God Damn computer.
Auto Tuning from Casey Donahue on Vimeo.
It’s Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody…
Oh, I could lie about this whole thing and say that my boyfriend is out of town, but um, well that would be a lie and why lie to the internet? Not the same kind of joy as lying to your MOTHER about being a virgin, right? But anyway, since even Chloe didn’t want to be dragged along, I went out by meself, downed a Third Avenue Special Shrimp Tempura Wrapped in Spicy Tuna Roll and topped it off with coffee yogurt and coco chips from Berrywild, all the while checking my Blackberry like I was waiting for some important call. But since I was wearing sweats and an old baseball cap, I figured most people knew it was just a ruse and I was really, truly exactly what I appeared to be…alone at a sushi bar on Saturday night.
To top off the excitement, I went to the Korean deli next store to pick up a paper and found lots of other sad sacks and I figured, well, at least I’m not doing an entire food shopping at a Korean deli on Saturday night like this guy was.
Anyway, I’m just here cause my boyfriend is out of town.
ALWAYS REMEMBER
I wrote this last year, but being out of creative juices, feel it’s just as applicable today as it was then, even if the only other person in my office now that I am self employed is a fuzzy black toy poodle
We always must remember,
Must never forget,
The day 2976 died,
By the fires of jets.
Today was different,
Then most other years,
Today only families,
Shed their tears.
My office was busy,
No one spoke of the day.
It was business as usual,
People went on their way.
No silence was observed,
As the names were read,
The TV chattered to an empty room,
About our dead.
Did we really forget,
On this warm September night,
The thing that happened,
That caused us to fight?
It seemed that way,
And it shouldn’t be,
That around me NY,
Went on…quite merrily.
So I devote this post,
To all that perished,
Please know that forever,
Your memories are cherished.
And I guess that’s what makes,
New York go round,
That even when weeping,
You don’t hear the sound.
Because it’s still there,
That hole in the ground.
Where towers once blazed,
No peace will be found.