March 9th

Bush For A Third Term…And Why NOT?

Top Ten Reasons Why He is the BEST President Ever!

10) He did NOT cause a nuclear war.
9) He was not able to make abortion illegal.
8 ) He provided many comics with great material. If you haven’t already seen this, watch it now. It will make you pee in your pants. I did and I’m not embarrassed to admit it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_RSQSYgGB4
7) He did not ban TASTY DELITE even though God only knows what the hell is in this that makes 8 oz only 60 calories. If he had, we would have had an anorexic princess revolt.
6) He did not over turn Bloomberg’s ban on smoking in restaurants and bars. My lungs thank him.
5) He did not raise taxes on gasoline so I can continue driving my ’93 Lincoln and not go into bankruptcy. Or feel guilty about it because there really isn’t global warming.
4) He was very smart in hiring Cheney who earned $44 million dollars during his tenure at Halliburton, the world’s largest oil-and-gas-services company, so I don’t have to feel guilty or sorry that Mr. Bush will soon be unemployed. Cheney can support him.
3) He has not yet caught Osama Bin Laden. He has left that for our next president, so he/she will not be bored while in office.
2) He created the terror color code chart which gives us a vibrant way of being perpetually scared, without anything of substance behind the fear. Conveniently, the chart comes in handy whenever trailing on the polls.
1) AND # ONE…the most important and special thing that BUSH did while in office, was to make daylight savings time 5 weeks LONGER!!! Hurray for daylight!!!

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VIEW FROM MY DECK AT 6PM ON MARCH 9, 2008!

Won’t you please vote for BUSH in 2008? I think if all of us banded together, we could get him in for a third term. Some other reasons that are worth an honorable mention:

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March 7th

Four Things That Have Changed My Life

In no particular order:

TRIDENT SPLASH: Once you’ve tried it, you’ll never go back. And I love the packaging of the new flavor. Gum chewing experience changed forever.

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NASAL DOUCHE AND ALKALOL: Once upon a time, I got 5 sinus infections a year. And went on anti-biotics 5 times a year. This has CHANGED MY LIFE. And my sinus’s.

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FISH OIL: I am not sure why this made this list. But it’s supposed to do all sorts of amazing things. Like make your skin glow. And since that’s the only place I’ll be getting glow from, I figured that it should get a place on the list.

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CREST WHITE STRIPS AND ELECTRIC TOOTH BRUSH: Okay, so I lied. It’s five things. But, I no longer have to worry about the color of my teeth. Two tools I could never live without.

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March 7th

No More Dieting: Part II

I just got this email and now I have to buy it, Goddammit. And I didn’t want to go shopping this weekend either! How the hell did Landsend get my email address anyway?no-more-diet-swim-suit.gif

 
 
March 5th

No More Dieting

Just buy this mirror. Does anyone know where I can get it??

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March 5th

The Cleaning Lady: Part I- My Household Has Fallen Apart

I fired the cleaning lady. Or rather, she fired me. After 10 years. TEN YEARS! Why? Because she thought I should pay her more than $20/hour and she was thinking that I owed her that. That’s cash. That’s how much I earn. Almost. But she also started acting angry by shrinking all our clothes, breaking things, and leaving dirty wee — wee pads in Chloe’s room. So we decided to part ways.

I didn’t grow up with a cleaning lady. My mother, taught me to clean, every other weekend, my room, the bathroom, the laundry, etc. Aside from typing class, learning to clean properly was my most valuable life lesson (right after learning French kissing). So I figured I could handle a tiny two bedroom apartment.the-dust-bunny-fields.JPG

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March 4th

The 6 Legged Octopus: Hexapus

AOL’s top News Story on Tuesday’s Home Page: they found a 6 legged octopus. Am I the only one who feels like saying: “who the fuck cares?” The poor thing has a birth defect. Let it go eat clams in peace. For God’s sakes, is it really worth 24 hours on AOL’s HOME PAGE??? Am I over-reacting?

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March 3rd

The Kiss, Part IV: It Happened to ME—Or Was it to HER?

“I only have to worry about two dicks, YOU have to worry about ALL of them”. Matt K. father of twin boys to mother of teenage daughter, Feb 29, 2008

I will not be that dumb mother who, one day finds out that her teenage daughter has been hiding a boy under the bed. Nope, that is not, going to be me, nope never. Remember, I’m the mother of WANTSTOBEKIST, the lip virgin. Bella tells me everything, yes she does, she does indeed.
This morning, the worst thing that could possibly happen to me was that noisy man in the freaking QUIET CAR disturbing the peace with his key pounding and the nasty man next to him who kept glaring at me because I was checking my cell phone voice mail. Yes, things to be BOTHERED by. And so, because my meeting in Phillie went well, I caught an early train back to NYC and I even had time to set down with a cup of tea and a big, fat bran muffin at SUBTLE TEA a mere 2 blocks from the apartment. Close and yet so far. Read the rest of this entry »

 
 
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