Even in Manhattan folks, there are signs of global warming. And it’s not just the Polar Bears that are in danger. Today, as I was talking my weekly stroll through the city and freezing my butt off even though it’s almost friggin’ April, I wasn’t so sure the Gore prophecies where true. I mean after all, where is the Goddamn spring? But then:
When I asked the store manager if ALL the Princeton Ski Shops were going out of business I thought: Holy moly, I’ll be able to go from store to store and get a boatload of ski equipment. But when he said the reason that the chain was going out of business was because there was no snow; no snow to speak of for two years, I felt guilty. Guilty that I was not only gleeful about the sale while others were losing their jobs, but the seriousness of global warming was under shadowed by my joy of a bargain. A lot of bargains. And then I realized: it was true. The only snow that I saw this winter in the big dirty A, was during the Red Bull contest.
Listen , there has to be some silver lining behind those dark clouds. So sue me.
No, those aren’t a horse’s hoofs. Chloe has finally met her match.
The look on each dogs’ face says it all. (Yes, the Dane’s head comes nearly to his owner’s shoulder.)
And I couldn’t resist! (No, Chloe wasn’t in any danger… just my bad photo shop!) Besides, that Dane was so tall, I’m not sure he even saw Chloe! And she? She thought he was a horse. Not to be messed with.
For more on Chloe, go here
It’s New York, and at that very moment I caught a glimpse of something so priceless, so delicious, so New York, that I halted my mad dash back to the office where I was about to chow down on a very delicious salad with salmon (freshly chopped and tossed) just to give you, my fans (all 51) , the PERFECT New York moment. There’s no audio…enjoy the improv.
Officer, like I was sayin’ there was this big motha fucka bee that flew into my windshield, and I just didn’t see the light. I’m allergic to them bees, ya know what I’m saying?
So listen buddy, I hear ya. You got a wife at home, she’ll freak if ya get another ticket, but I got my job to think about too. Ya know, this being an election year.
Ya friggin’ kidding me? Ya republican? Or what, you’re wife not giving it to you, right? What’s your name? I want your name! Don’t TOUCH ME.
You want my name? You want my friggin’ name? I’ll give you my name.
Here, here’s my name (handing Cabbie a ticket) and my mutha’s name too!
Ya think I’m goin’ PAY THIS? Is that what you think? I’m not gonna take you’re goddamn ticket. What’s your name? I want your name! (It’s on the ticket). Take ya goddamn ticket back. I’m not gonna take this.
Ya think you know who you’re dealing with, doncha? May the fleas of a thousand dead camels infest one of your errogenous zones! May a surgeon sew up your asshole, while your boat capsizes in the middle of the lake, and your mother attracts attention as she runs up and down the shore, barking.
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!
Now that the world is aware of the destruction that construction can do to a city, I took a real birds-eye view of what is going on in Manhattan. And frankly, I don’t feel too safe. I mean, how would YOU like to be the person walking under THIS CRANE?
And, are you sure you are safe eating at THE SHAKE SHACK in Madison Square Park? Look at the direction this crane could fall
—not to mention the Credit Suisse Clock Tower or the Met Life Building.
Are we just blissfully unaware, or fingers crossed, hoping for the best?
ODE TO CONSTRUCTION
Everywhere I look,
A scaffold does a hover,
I walk so quickly through them,
My head I do a cover.
‘Cause every time I read,
The Post or New York Times,
I see there’s been an accident,
Involving builders’ crimes.
A scaffold falling down,
Or a crane collapsing,
It’s enough to make you wonder,
About all inspection lapsing.
I look up in awe,
At the towers we are constructing,
And I wonder if it’s worth,
All the danger and disruption.
The city ain’t too pretty,
With all these crazy builds.
And I’d really like to figure out,
Who needs are really filled.
We lost some brave souls,
Who climb those tall weak towers.
Their lives are all controlled,
By someone else’s powers.
So it’s time we have this problem fixed,
But who knows how to do it?
It’s all wrapped into politics,
No matter how you skew it.
And so it all continues,
With the city’s master plan.
The scrapers grow, the building flow.
And I have to wonder, does anyone give a damn?
There comes a time when medical science goes TOO FAR. A woman, who under went a sex change operation to a man, is having a baby because her/his wife, couldn’t get pregnant. Aside from other psychological issues, what is this child (a baby girl) going to call her parent?
A 21 year-old man was declared dead and his family approved organ donation. He was about to be taken away and he moved his foot. Now, he’s talking on the TODAY SHOW. Tells you something!! But I’m not sure what.
Pretty Good? I’d feel fucking fantabulous.
If you don’t know what B&H is, you’ve never bought or thought of buying a TV, Video Camera, Digital Camera, Sound Equipment, Recording Equipment, Computer Equipment or any other type of equipment that you can think of that plugs into a wall. (Or you don’t live in Manhattan.)
See this line?
It’s not to buy something, order something, or even ask for help. It’s the line for a little free nosh*. Yep. The pretzels, drinks and candies, are always there and are always free.
In fact, it’s the biggest line in the store. Always. And the candy bowls are on every counter. And it must work, because B&H is like no store I’ve ever gone into. It is NEVER, ever not crammed with people. You can’t compare it to Best Buy, J&R, CompUSA, Radio Shack, or even Walmart.
Forget the market research. Every good Jewish mother knows, a full tummy is a happy tummy. A happy tummy, feels happy about pulling out Read the rest of this entry »