Bella: My lips are a different color, aren’t they?
Bella: Yes, they are. Look.
Me: They aren’t a different color. They’re just chapped.
Bella: Yes, that’s what I mean, they are chapped, so they are two different colors. I exfoliated them.
Me: You exfoliated them??
Bella: Yes, with a toothbrush.
Me: And who gave you that brilliant idea? HELP.COM?
Bella: Yes. They said you are supposed to exfoliate your skin and your lips.
Me: So now, they are more chapped.
Bella: Yes. How did you know that exfoliating my lips would make them MORE chapped?
Me: I don’t know. Somehow, strangely enough, I’ve made it to my ripe old age without ever exfoliating. Lips or skin. Well maybe once. In the shower with a loofa. But then the loofa got moldy so that was the end of that.
Later this evening:
Bella: My lips are still chapped. How long will they take to heal?
Me: I DON’T know. Just don’t shave your eyelids.
What I really want to know is WHO THE HELL are the THEY on Help.com? I want that job.