April 27th

Lip Exfoliation


Bella: My lips are a different color, aren’t they?

Me: No.

Bella: Yes, they are. Look.

Me: They aren’t a different color. They’re just chapped.

Bella: Yes, that’s what I mean, they are chapped, so they are two different colors. I exfoliated them.

Me: You exfoliated them??

Bella: Yes, with a toothbrush.

Me: And who gave you that brilliant idea? HELP.COM?

Bella: Yes. They said you are supposed to exfoliate your skin and your lips.

Me: So now, they are more chapped.

Bella: Yes. How did you know that exfoliating my lips would make them MORE chapped?

Me: I don’t know. Somehow, strangely enough, I’ve made it to my ripe old age without ever exfoliating. Lips or skin. Well maybe once. In the shower with a loofa. But then the loofa got moldy so that was the end of that.


Later this evening:

Bella: My lips are still chapped. How long will they take to heal?

Me: I DON’T know. Just don’t shave your eyelids.

Bella: Huh?

What I really want to know is WHO THE HELL are the THEY on Help.com? I want that job.

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