March 10th

Elliot Spitzer, Polluted Water and Hebronics

Thank God for Cab Drivers…otherwise I wouldn’t have found out about our glorious governor until the morning…not that it would that have been a BAD thing. But there is just SO MUCH to write about that my head hurts just thinking about it… whether it be Spitzer spending Bella’s Public School Budget on his trysts or whether I should move to LA so that I can get my daily needed dose of anti-depressants from simply drinking water. So I decided to keep it simple: The study of a new found language deep in the bowels of Brooklyn: Hebronics. See examples below. Study and learn, schermerm. But first, a pic of Gov. Spitzer with his wife and anonymous supporter.


I know since high school you haven’t learned a language, but Hebronics is as easy to learn as…getting paid for sex.

What do you think of Elliot Spitzer?
English: He’s a dumb ass to have gotten caught.
Hebronic Response: He was thinking WHAT to embarrass his whole family that way? A shanda on him. His mother deserves more after all she wiped up after him.

Remark: “His brain is as slow as a turtle.”
English Answer: Yes he is.
Hebronic Response: “Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he thinks.”

Question: “What time is it?”
English answer: “Sorry, I don’t know.”
Hebronic response: “What am I, a clock?”

Remark: “I hope things turn out okay what with all the drugs they are finding in water.”
English answer: “Me too.”
Hebronic response: “I should be so lucky! Now I am probably going to get cancer. I knew I should have stuck with Poland Spring but that can give you cancer too from the plastic the water comes in.”

Remark: “Hurry up. Dinner’s ready.”
English answer: “Be right there.”
Hebronic response: “Alright already, I’m coming. What’s with the ‘hurry’ business? Is there a fire?”

Remark: “I like the tie you gave me; I wear it all the time.”
English answer: “Glad you like it.”
Hebronic response: “So what’s the matter; you don’t like the other ties I gave you?”

Remark: “Sarah and I are engaged.”
English answer: “Congratulations!”
Hebronic response: “She could stand to lose a few pounds.”

Remark: “It’s certainly is a beautiful day.”
English answer: “Sure is.”
Hebronic response: “So the sun is out; what else is new?”

Answering a phone call from a son (or daughter):
English answer: “It’s been a while since you called.”
Hebronic response: “You didn’t wonder if I’m dead already?”

Email, shmemail! Luck and happiness will or will not come to you regardless if you send this to another eight people. And if not, you can or don’t have to wonder how lucky or what a schmuck Elliott is, was, and will continue to be, until maybe his mother will come to his defense, because obviously his wife wasn’t giving as good as she got. Or maybe she was and she deserves every penny she gets from the divorce after standing next to him in the press conference. What kind of woman is she to be thinking to be on TV with him? She’s got to have rocks in her head.

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