May 12th

Happy Mother’s Day Weekend, dammit!

So, I can’t tell you the joy with which I approached this weekend. Totally stressed out at work and all I wanted was some SLEEEEEEP! Friday comes, and I prepare for bed with the same ritual that I prepared for my honeymoon night– except without the (way older) husband who now lives, thank God, lives in some far-off suburb of San Diego. (Ok, he got the better end of that deal, but now, at 47 he’s the proud father of new born twins– jeez Louise , really? Twins? Who’s laughing now on Friday night, huh, HUH???) I’m clicking away on the remote and drift into a deep, dreamless sleep, until 7 fucking thirty and I am awakened by a God Damn jack hammer. Are THEY KIDDING ME????? A JACK HAMMER? I look outside and there they arrreeee. Right outside my window on Lexington Avenue. They are NOT KIDDING.

Oh hell, I am not going to go on and on about the friggin’ jack hammers. I fought all weekend with my extended family, with a little feuding from Bella thrown in, and this is goddamn MOTHER’S DAY WEEKEND. And then, THEN, I’m staying in a hotel in New Jersey on Saturday night because, after going down south to visit my mother, I think this will be a fantabulous get away while Bella stays with my mother and I am alone for the first time alone in years (OK since last summer, but it FEEL LIKE YEARS). And I sink into the glorious down bed and drift off into a mid-winter’s slumber (oh leave me alone I know it’s spring for Godssake’s but it feels like winter today) and I awake, not 20 minutes later to bang…..bang…….bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG, and of course it’s just my luck to get the room 5 miles away from the lobby that is housing the honeymooners that just got married and LIKE why the FUCK can’t anyone design a hotel room so that the headboards are never back to back, like why the hell aren’t the beds on opposite walls, is this a FUNG SHUI thing or SOMETHING?

Whew. Sorry. I feel better now. It must be the Absolut kicking in. Any HOO, so, doesn’t THIS place look peaceful?

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Well it IS, UNTIL the friggin’ maid service BANGS on the door next to me at 9AM on Mother’s Day morning howling: “Maid Service, helloooo???? Maid service”. And I’m like, there are 700 other friggin’ rooms in this hotel and is there a REASON that, on 9AM on Mother’s Day Weekend, you have to bang the hello out of the room right next to me and the HONEYMOONERS? I mean IS THERE???

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And then, not 20 minutes later, the WALKIE TALKIE proceeds to yowl again about the fact that they NEED SHEETS in 3526. Do ya think I deserve a refund? Mr. Marriott, I came here to get some sleep. Somebody, take me back to the big dirty apple for some peace and quiet. PLEASE.

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Happy Mother’s Day everyone. For those of you who are lucky enough to be celebrating a mother in your life.


 
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