Rotten Little Nanner
Poor little banana sitting on the shelf
Poor rotten banana, sitting by himself.
I don’t know why I buy them,
For they stay there all alone,
Waiting to be eaten,
Next to the telephone.
I buy them almost weekly,
When they are bright and yellow,
But then I never eat them all,
And they turn brown and mellow.
It must be instinct deep inside,
That makes me want to get them,
However when I bring them home,
I never fail to forget them.
And then I finally see the truth.
Poor brown and mushy nanner,
I think about making bread,
But that’s not in my manner.
So I finally throw them out,
Although it pains me deep,
To go through …
The Cleaning Lady: Part I- My Household Has Fallen Apart
I fired the cleaning lady. Or rather, she fired me. After 10 years. TEN YEARS! Why? Because she thought I should pay her more than $20/hour and she was thinking that I owed her that. That’s cash. That’s how much I earn. Almost. But she also started acting angry by shrinking all our clothes, breaking things, and leaving dirty wee — wee pads in Chloe’s room. So we decided to part ways.
I didn’t grow up with a cleaning lady. My mother, taught me to clean, every other weekend, …
The Kiss, Part IV: It Happened to ME—Or Was it to HER?
“I only have to worry about two dicks, YOU have to worry about ALL of them”. Matt K. father of twin boys to mother of teenage daughter, Feb 29, 2008
I will not be that dumb mother who, one day finds out that her teenage daughter has been hiding a boy under the bed. Nope, that is not, going to be me, nope never. Remember, I’m the mother of WANTSTOBEKIST, the lip virgin. Bella tells me everything, yes she does, she does indeed.
This morning, the worst thing that could possibly happen to me was that noisy man in the freaking QUIET …
New Office Policy
For a variety of reasons that basically make my brain hurt, I love this little email… Don’t you?
NEW OFFICE POLICY EFFECTIVE March 1, 2008
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
(However, if I came to work dressed like this, I would think my employer would have more things to worry about, like me dropping dead from not eating or …
Cell Phone Addiction: Get Help Now at CPA
I was almost killed by a bike messenger while crossing the street against the light. A kindly man scolded me “it’s your cell phone” as the bike messenger yelled, “Watch out, you asshole!” Yes, I agreed. I looked around. 8 out of 10 people on the street were talking. So, I thought, we’re a nation of addicts! (Or at least a city of addicts.) So I did some research. Recognize the signs? You may need help:
1) Almost hit/hit …
Hot Jewish Women
I resent the fact that when you Google HOT WOMEN, not ONE of the 15 million results show Hot Jewish Women. What kind of prejudice is that? I mean, every other type of woman has their own hot site: Hot Russian Brides, Hot Brazilian Women, Hot Japanese Woman, Hot SPORTY Women (really???), Hot Gymnastic Women, Hot STAR TREK Woman (STAR TREK??), Hot Knocked Up Women, Hot Women Playing their drums, Hot Women Belly Dancing, Hot Women in a Hot Mess, Hot PREGNANT women, Hot Spartans, Hot Korean Women, Hot Tempered Women, Hot Women Dancing, Hot Black …
The Kiss, Part I: The Lip Virgin
The Mother Daughter Talk…Yes, With Bella and Me
So mommy, I know this girl who hooked up with this guy cause she hadn’t ever kissed any body before, so does that make her a slut?
No. So who did you kiss?
Nobody.
Who did you kiss? I can’t believe you had your first kiss and you’re not telling me.(Bella) Cause I didn’ t have my first kiss yet. What does she do if the guy wants to keep kissing her and she doesn’t want to kiss him any more.
Is she gay?
No. She’s not gay at all. She’s …