What do YOU think?
I sorry about not having a bitch post 2 weeks in a row, but, somehow, I guess people complain LESS in the summer? So, unless I get realistic submissions from you all, it’s just not going to happen. Instead, a list of how to PISS PEOPLE OFF. I.e. a reverse Bitch Post.
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
Go into your company bathroom with a magazine and don’t come out for a few hours.
Take your vacations at peak holiday seasons and don’t …
For those of you who don’t follow Harlan, this is meaningless. But for those who do? This poll’s for you.
I know I should be twittering this but who the fuck knows how to twitter if you’re over 30? I guess lots. So, anyway, stay with me here. I am going to mega millions now. Opening a new browser…my heart pounding. This could be it. I got ONE NUMBER. That’s it. Shit. Back to work. And that’s how my day is going to be.
So, what would I do if I win? I pondered.
Stop working, start writing. A lot. Make millions more on fantastic screenplay.
Buy a pent house, a country house, a villa in Italy and the South of France, a Ski Condo…somewhere
Buy a boat
Send Bella to private school
Travel. First class. In my own private jet
Hire a masseuse. To live with me. On call at all times.
Hire a chef, a personal trainer, a body guard, a chauffeur, a shrink.
Buy a Porsche–convertible.
Give my family some dinero so …
I don’t hold the elevator. Sue me. In fact, if I see people coming, I hit the close button. Because I’m always in a rush, and if I wait for them, 10 more people come in and they all stop at floors before mine, because mine is the highest. And I’m late anyway so the 10 stops will make me 3 minutes later and prevent me from getting my first cup of Starbucks. I am also claustrophobic. In fact, if too many people come in, I get out. Really. Body heat bothers me. People telling me their …