Survival Skills
I’ve come to believe there are little things in everyday life, that make it, well liveable. And I am so thankful to be living now, and not 60 years ago, because it is quite possible, my family would have either had me committed or have jammed a hunk of chocolate down my throat to stop the whining. So, anyway I can help other poor souls out their to survive, I do. I consider it my civic duty.
THE DOGGER BOTTLE: Since my little fragile flower seems unable to walk even a block in this hot dirty …
Dedimple your Derriere…
…and YOUR THIGHS TOO. So, Sunday night I was on the elliptical trying to do just that when I saw one of the ponytail girls** working out in front of me and reading that article from SELF MAGAZINE. I wondered just what miracles that article held, so of course I had to run out and GET IT. And there it was. The secret to my success. “Sure, dimples are adorable on babies and cute guys, but on your thighs …
And the winner is…
So here’s MY BITCH: Two people won last week’s Bitch Post and now I have to shell out $50. Yeah, everyone HATES taxi cab drivers AND hair in your shower. ALL eight of you.
Bitch Post: Week 2
So this weeks Bitch Posts are even more fantastic than last week’s. Keep ‘em coming. I know you have them. Stored up inside you. And if you WIN, do I need to repeat myself? A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE to a shrink, drink, or well, let’s keep it a shrink or drink near you. It’s FREE. What do you care? Lara at laraslousylife.com. If your bitch is submitted, send it to all your friends so they vote for YOU. OK, it’s cheating but who cares?
I HATE GIANT ROACHES…giant motha fucka cockroaches. …
The Baby Borrowers
So by now, unless you have your head buried in the sand, or where eva, you must have heard of the new NBC show called the Baby Borrowers. And, just in case you have been sand grazing, The Baby Borrowers is a show where parents of infants GIVE THEIR CHILDREN to teen couples. So it’s all safe and everything because apparently, the parents are watching on camera somewhere nearby so in case there is an emergency, they can run in and save the day. I guess …
The Blockade
So, Chloe has this little, teeny, tiny problem. It’s called SHITTING ON THE RUG WHEN SHE IS PISSED OFF AT US IF THINGS DON’T GO HER WAY. Like, for example, if we LEAVE HER ALONE WHEN WE GO OUT TO DINNER, or more more common, when we LEAVE HER ALONE. So, I came up with this solution, that she usually respects when it comes to pooping.
It’s called, THE BLOCKADE. See how well it works?
