How I Get Through My Day…
…my week, my year… my life with a teenager.
And apparently, dogs have their days too.
I think they call them “Dog Days”
**Note to Animal Rights Groups Around the World: No dogs drank wine during the shooting of this blog entry.
Your Lousy Life
So many of you have been asking me when they’ll be able to comment, and respond to my posts. SOON… my developer tells me. Whatever THAT means. In the meantime, if you want to send me your own lousy life, with your own lousy pictures, you can. I succombed to an email account: laradeans@aol.com. So send them now, and see them Monday. Maybe. If they are lousy enough.
Check back later to see why his little life is lousy :(
Daughterly Advice: Carbs R Good 4U
Bella: Carbs are good for you.
Me: Oh yeah?
Bella: Yeah, the Glucose creates sugar which gives you energy. I learned it in science.
Me: OK. You know best.
Confessions of An Eyelash Addict
AI know you’re out there. All those women. Who like me, were blessed with hairless eyes. I exaggerate. Short short short straight, fine, eyelashes. Now, after many, many years, of endless searching, searching for the the holy grail, I found the answer. For the first time since falsies (yes, they come in eyelashes too), I have, what appears to be, eyelashes! Alas, I can die happy.Me, right out of the shower. I know. I need to pluck. But it’s kinda like the bald men who don’t shave. I need hair SOMEWHERE near my eyes!
It’s My Daughter and I’ll Post if I Want To
Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Bella. Happy Birthday to You! You’re fifteen. Now fucking ACT LIKE IT! (or then again, maybe not)
All my love, your loving Mama. And many hundreds, happy healthy more.
Spring Has Sprung in the Big Dirty Apple
The sure signs:
1) Squirrels crow: This sassy, evil eyed squirrel, nonchalantly chomps on nuts as Chloe frantically barks through the fence, while catching her nose in the chicken wire. He knows. She is stuck.
2) New Weird Stores Aglow: What the fuck is a Yoqua bar? You do yoga while eating yogurt? NOOOO. You eat Fro ZEN smoothies. So healthy after walking ten blocks in soot polluted air.
3) Flowers grow. Amidst the garbagio….
Dirty Diet Secrets
I’m on a diet. OK, I’m trying to be on a diet. OK God dammit, I am NOT on a diet, I just pretend that I am on one so that every time I get on the friggin’ scale and see that I’ve gained another pound I convince myself that I WILL diet that day and for the rest of the week and lose that pound plus four more by the end of the week. And, sometimes I do. But in the meantime, along my soul searching trek to lose the weight and never gain it back I’ve found some …