April 30th

The Lybrel Difference

So this ad really cracks me up:

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“Many health care professionals agree that there is no need to have a period while taking the pill”. (Why not add: There’s no need to shit, fart, pee, burp, sleep, laugh, cry, live, screw, or eat when on the pill either?)

Is that because many thousands more health care professionals are making gazillions of dollars from those women who took the pill for so many years, that their ovaries need a huge mega dose of hormones to jumpstart their engines? And why do so many women feel …

 
 
April 28th

Happiness Is Possible and Some People Really Are Nice–But Can They be Successful?

Tonight, Bella’s homework assignment was to observe a family member (i.e. me, myself, moi) watching TV. Seems like the purpose of the assignment was to point out how pre-adolescent viewing can cause children to not have realistic relationships with other human beings because television characters don’t have eye contact with children which teaches children to not have normal, eye contact relationships with other humans (well, I don’t exactly believe that television is the primary culprit for this event–I’m thinking that it’s more like YouTube, MySpace, FaceBook, texting, ipoding, emailing, cell phoning, IMing, MyYearbook, YourYearBook, Help.com, and well, a whole bunch …

 
 
April 28th

I am losing it

Last night I drempt that Bella went to Nordstrom’s and come home riding a gigantic tricycle and wearing very long, very thick, fake eyelashes. Is there something wrong with me??

Or do I JUST DISCONNECT HER FRIGGIN’ COMPUTER?

 
 
April 27th

Lip Exfoliation

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Bella: My lips are a different color, aren’t they?
Me: No.
Bella: Yes, they are. Look.
Me: They aren’t a different color. They’re just chapped.
Bella: Yes, that’s what I mean, they are chapped, so they are two different colors. I exfoliated them….

 
 
April 27th

New York Vs LA: Part I

It ain’t that different. And those of you who are homo-coastal? Well, think again.

Street signs: Equally hard to understand.

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Traffic tickets? Equally easy to get.

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Cell phone usage: In ridiculously high gear in both cities.

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In NY, the couple that walks together, talks together.

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In LA, drive by talking.

The traffic? Um, well you figure out which is New York and which is LA.

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April 24th

The Itch: Part III

Today, the most blessed event of my entire week in LA. 

Hey mom, guess what I DON’T HAVE anymore???

Let me guess.  For those of you who missed Part I and Part 117 of the Odessey of  Teen Bikini Shaving, go here:  I Got An Itch and The Itch Part 117.  That should bring you up to date.  Now, if you’ll leave me with my sunset and Pina Colota, I bid you adieu from La La land.

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P.S.  For those of you who don’t get the relationship between this picture and shaving, there is none.  I just …

 
 
April 22nd

Paris Hilton Sighting

I had to go to THE IVY while in LA. Ok, I didn’t have to, but I figured Bella’d get a kick out of the celeb hot spot. (I didn’t realize that 2 salads and $90 later…)paps.JPG

The Paps were out. THEN I remembered. Yesterday, when I walked over to make my res, I saw John McCain’s name in the book. JOHN MCCAIN was in there. I was as giddy as the first time I made out with Dave Anish at my first makeout party, before I realized French …

 
 
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