Popcorn Lung, Smog and David Paterson
OK, something that freaks me out even more than the media frenzy around Elliot Spitzer? (Do I really care who he screwed?) POPCORN LUNG. So here I thought I was doing something good for myself, something that was only 100, 200, 300, 400, or 500 calories ( I can NEVER figure out that God Damn nutrition information on the back of the box, can you? I mean, who the hell eats 2 tablespoons of unpopped popcorn?–Here’s my math: 1 Cup = 20 Calories, 12.5 x 20 = 250 Calories/Bag. But what about the kernels that don’t pop? Can I eliminate …
Rotten Little Nanner
Poor little banana sitting on the shelf
Poor rotten banana, sitting by himself.
I don’t know why I buy them,
For they stay there all alone,
Waiting to be eaten,
Next to the telephone.
I buy them almost weekly,
When they are bright and yellow,
But then I never eat them all,
And they turn brown and mellow.
It must be instinct deep inside,
That makes me want to get them,
However when I bring them home,
I never fail to forget them.
And then I finally see the truth.
Poor brown and mushy nanner,
I think about making bread,
But that’s not in my manner.
So I finally throw them out,
Although it pains me deep,
To go through …
Lara’s Love Life: Part I
Lara: Men suck, then they kill you. (Of course there are exceptions to that rule, just gotta go through many frogs)
Bella: That’s sad.
Lara: It is, isn’t it?
Bella: That’s why I’m sticking with Jay from DeGrassi.
Lara: But isn’t he a character in a TV show?
Bella: Yes, he’s the bad boy.
Lara: Maybe he’s nice in real life.
Bella: He is, that’s why I don’t like him in real life. I’m starting the bad boy trend. I’ll stick to the 2D character.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, so they say. Most of my serious relationships, …
Elliot Spitzer, Polluted Water and Hebronics
Thank God for Cab Drivers…otherwise I wouldn’t have found out about our glorious governor until the morning…not that it would that have been a BAD thing. But there is just SO MUCH to write about that my head hurts just thinking about it… whether it be Spitzer spending Bella’s Public School Budget on his trysts or whether I should move to LA so that I can get my daily needed dose of anti-depressants from simply drinking water. So I decided to keep it simple: The study of a new found language deep in the bowels of Brooklyn: Hebronics. See examples …
Bush For A Third Term…And Why NOT?
Top Ten Reasons Why He is the BEST President Ever!
10) He did NOT cause a nuclear war.
9) He was not able to make abortion illegal.
8 ) He provided many comics with great material. If you haven’t already seen this, watch it now. It will make you pee in your pants. I did and I’m not embarrassed to admit it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_RSQSYgGB4
7) He did not ban TASTY DELITE even though God only knows what the hell is in this that makes 8 oz only 60 calories. If he had, we would have had an anorexic princess revolt.
6) He did not over …
Four Things That Have Changed My Life
TRIDENT SPLASH: Once you’ve tried it, you’ll never go back. And I love the packaging of the new flavor. Gum chewing experience changed forever.
NASAL DOUCHE AND ALKALOL: Once upon a time, I got 5 sinus infections a year. And went on anti-biotics 5 times a year. This has CHANGED MY LIFE. And my sinus’s.
FISH OIL: I am not sure why this made this list. But it’s supposed to do all sorts of amazing …
No More Dieting: Part II
I just got this email and now I have to buy it, Goddammit. And I didn’t want to go shopping this weekend either! How the hell did Landsend get my email address anyway?